


I don't want to take a single breath being away from you.

by MrsStyles



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Asshole Harry, Bottom Louis, Break Up, Cheating, Crying Louis, Divorce, Endgame Larry of course, Getting Back Together, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jealous Harry, Jealous Louis, Kinda, Lovers to enemies to lovers, M/M, Makeup, Oh zaim is also there, Possessive Harry, Post-Divorce, Sad, Sad Louis, Smut, Top Harry, Yeah sorry but, You will hate Harry lol, a little bit of, angstttttt, because I want to, louis cries alot, louis/omc - Freeform, slow burn?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2020-06-25 21:10:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19753888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsStyles/pseuds/MrsStyles
Summary: Here in the same place, under the soft duvet and warm hands Louis had found his whole world. Traces of fingertips on his skin burnt there, breaths on his forehead now ached for more, when the arm around his waist tightened they'd blend into one.Now that he was all alone there, his breaths were cut off, sweat forming on his forehead, body quivering with uneasiness. He was suffocating.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sooo nervous I haven't ever written a long ass chaptered fanfiction ever and this is my first time so please be kind to me.
> 
> Just to clear some things up:
> 
> This is going to be a long fic I think. I still don't have planned how many chapters but it will be atleast 10 and more.
> 
> I will probably be posting a new chapter once or twice a week no specific day because I'm bad at commiting ;-p. 
> 
> English is not my first language so forgive me if I suck. 
> 
> Hehe.
> 
> Soooooo here goes nothing.....

* * *

Cold.

The first feeling Louis felt when he woke up, all alone and rolled over to the wrong side of the bed, _his_ side of the bed. It wasn't the first time though. The window left open to let the freezing breeze of ugly winter come in, roaming over his half naked body, the duvet almost fallen down leaving his upper half shivering. Goosebumps rose on his skin and he pulled up the duvet to cover himself up till the neck, only his head visible. Under any different circumstances he'd have rolled back to his own side and dozed off again, not willing to put himself through all the pain again but now, he just dug his fingers into the pillow that wasn't his. It didn't smell like Harry though, nothing smelled like him anymore. All he wanted to do was just snuggle into his husband's chest, tangling his cold feet with his warm ones and fall back to sleep with their steady and even breaths.

He couldn't. And he was tired of making himself remember that. He wasn't his husband anymore.

He shook his head burying it deeper into the pillows holding back the sadness the flooded him like every other morning. Biting his bottom lip he pulled the duvet over his head with shaky hands. There was no earth then, no gravity, no atmosphere, just him and the lone side of the bed where Harry was supposed to be. He sealed himself into his own world then, sleep long forgotten, his mind started playing those games again.

Memories came then.

Here in the same place, under the soft duvet and warm hands Louis had found his whole world. Traces of fingertips on his skin burnt in the places there, breaths on his forehead now ached for more, when the arm around his waist tightened they blend into one.

Now that he was all alone there, his breaths were cut off, sweat forming on his forehead, body quivering with uneasiness. He was suffocating.

And just like everyday he missed him that morning. Again.

Like put on auto pilot he brushed his teeth, took a bath for so long, under the water so hot that turned his skin pink. There was no Harry to bother him about how his skin would burn and there was no Harry smelling shampoos and soaps or deodorants, putting those on felt so unnecessary, yet he washed his hair with a shampoo that didn't smell like apples and mist, he didn't have large soft hands to wash his hair while his own locked behind the others back. A sob escaped his lips when the water started to turn his skin so red, he pretended that it was the outside that was hurting when his insides were burning with the fire that Harry had lit inside him and now turned into ashes.

He found himself to be brave on days like these. When he once vowed that he couldn't live without Harry, he meant it. Now he can see why. Everything was hurting now that he had to fill the blank Harry shaped space inside his heart.

Four years, three months and twenty eight days.

He counts every single day he has spent without Harry. Everyday he has tried to live but couldn't even when he tried his best. Putting a smile on his face that wasn't a real one and trying to be happy doesn't mean living to him. It was just an empty promise he made to himself. Empty and painful.

Sat at the breakfast table he tried to block the echo's of conversations they've had. He failed, like every other time. The laughter and intimacy they shared still not ready to leave these walls even after all this time. His hands curled into fists as he ate his cereal in silence waiting for nothing to happen.

He'll live with this. He has to.

The ringing of his phone broke his stance.

Liam.

The screen showed. He cleared his throat and picked up the phone, putting up a small smile on his face.

"Hello." God he sounded awful.

"Hello? Lou?" Came Liam's voice from the other side, a little shaky and something as if he were holding back.

"Yeah? What's up Li?" He tried to sound even a slight bit better.

"Why does your voice sound like that?"

God why was he so obvious.

"Nothing, Just having a sore throat love, but what's up with you calling me so early? I'm not late, am I?"

Please god, let Liam buy his change of topic.

"Oh nothing I'm just-just feeling nice? Thought I'd pick you up for work, you know, do nice things."

"Oh really? Are you sure there isn't something else going on? You sound awfully Gone? Is something off?"

"Nahh...Just had a surprising morning!! Now get ready I'm on the way."

Something was up he knew it, he Just knew.

"Ooookay. Come and get me then. I don't wanna be late." He said, eyes narrowing, suspicion filled in his long stretched 'okay'.

"See you in 10, bye Lou."

He placed his phone down and finished off the cereal in huge bites.

_'Eat slowly babe, it'll get stuck.'_

A deep voice played in his head. It was not really there though.

' _Small bites and drink water you knob. We don't want choking on cereal.'_

Just shut up!!

He heard a loud honking of a car after a couple of minutes and saw Liam through his window waiting in his Spotless Porsche. He quickly picked up his briefcase and headed downstairs not wanting to keep him waiting.

"Hey!!" Greeted Liam.

"Morning Liam." He tried to smile too but he just couldn't. There was something about this day that made his heart beat a little faster and insides scared for no reason at all.

"You okay?" Liam asked as he saw Louis spacing out. He slid himself into the passenger seat, getting a bit comfortable.

"Y-Yeah. Yeah I'm fine, just- eh...A little out of it. I'm sorry."

"No no it's okay. The stress and everything, all you need is more rest. I can see the bags under your eyes Lou, Just take care of yourself, yeah?"

"I take care of myself just fine Li."

"Then I need you to do better." Liam smiled warmly.

"Fine, enough about me. How are you this wonderful day?" Louis exaggerated not wanting Liam to notice how off he really was.

"Lou, we just talked on the phone. How did I sound to you?" He asked.

"Well to me you seemed totally weird and dull but that you are everyday, you just-I don't know, you sounded Eager too? May be." He stared at Liam with question.

"That's because I am." Liam smiled nervously and squirmed in his seat before starting the car and taking off.

"Aha!! I knew it! Now tell me Lima. What is it? You seem nervous. Are you getting promoted? Are you getting married or something Wait no- you had a date a couple of days ago, did she call you again? That rarely happens Li!! You should call her back-"

"Let me stop you there mister. " Liam cut him off. "First off I'm not getting promoted, second, I do get a call from the people I go on a date with-" Louis snorted at that. "What? Shut up and listen!!" Liam whined as the car came to Halt.

"Yeah yeah. Sorry, continue."

"Something happened…...at the office." His face turned into a sad one and let out a nervous sigh. They went inside the office to and empty reception and whole ground floor whispering loudly.

"Oh"

This caught Louis off guard. Anything related to office was going not going it be any good, they were having a tough time with work these days after all.

"Eh...And what that might be?" He asked, not really wanting to know.

"Listen, it's more of a news actually. I didn't know how to tell you before about this but I was shocked myself when I saw him. You need to understand that you have to deal with it. Yeah? There is nothing you can do and-"

"Are you guys killing me or something? What are you talking about? And why is everyone-"

"Louis?"

 _His_ voice.

No no no. It can't be him. He wasn't-

His palms were sweaty and clenched into fists, ears went dumb with how his voice reverberated. It took everything in him not to collapse then and there itself, in front of everyone. In Front of _him_.

He turned to face _him_ , slowly.

And released his breath loudly when their eyes met. A breath that was in his chest for so long. A shaky and weak breath that suffocated him for four long years.

_Harry_

There was Harry standing in front of him. Tall and head held up high. He noticed right away the lack of his hair length. He cut his hair. The realisation made him gasp and hold back his tears which were threatening to shed. Harry knew how much Louis loved his long hair. He remembers how many times he has warned Harry never to cut his Hair. But now they were gone. He knew why. And Louis was stunned as to how much more god like he looked. His featured sharp and he looked so much more matured. His suit giving him an extra hint of authority. He was not Louis' man anymore, he wasn't his husband. He was a man of himself. Someone who Louis didn't know. Yet the only thing that didn't change one bit was his eyes. The only thing that made Louis realise that his Harry was still somewhere inside. But far away.

He backed away a little not breaking the eye contact for even a second. He longed for those eyes to look at him, his fingers itched to run them across his face, just so he could feel he was real. His body ached to close the distance between the two of them and drink the warmth radiating from the other. He wanted everyone to disappear so they were only the ones present there.

Every ounce in him clawed at his chest with a pain that was so prominent that his eyes began burning. He could feel the tears on their way, the tremble of his lips, lack of breathing and how his legs were about to give out. Everything was about to break down.

"Lou? Are-Are you all right?" Spoke Liam from beside his, shaking his shoulders a little bit to bring him back .

He didn't know how long they were looking at each other but then he broke it and looked down at his feet.

"Y-Yeah I think so." He whispered. His could hear how his voice was about to break.

"Louis. How unsurprised I am to see you here!!" Came Harry's voice. Cold, loud and disturbing.

It was still so deep and smooth. He remembers how he has heard it under so many different circumstances. A voice enough to send him shivering and shaking in minutes. It was the same voice but it sounded so different to Louis. It lacked emotions, love and all the fond it had in it. God why does it hurt so much.

"Harry..." The name sounded so foreign on his lips now that he says it out loud

If he didn't know Harry so well he'd miss how his voice made Harry's green eyes flinch.

"I assume you aren't informed about the changes, are you?" Harry asked. His tone was so authoritative and different than the last time.

The last time, it was broken and so full of spite.

Louis shook his head in a no.

"I figured." Harry said, looking unapologetically handsome and so so unreal. It was as if he was not the same anymore.

What was he talking about?

"Let's start this again then?" He said and cleared his throat, a smirk forming on his lips as he spoke. He brought his hand to shake with Louis' which went untouched, too soon, Louis thought.

"Hello Mr.Tomlinson, I'm Harry Styles. Your new Boss."

His eyes went wide and mouth fell open in confusion because what?

"What?" He thought out loud.

Before Harry could answer, Liam came in between them and got a hold of Louis.

"Lou, I think we should get to work. I'll tell you everything later." He turned to Harry then and spoke

"Mr.Styles I'll inform him about all the.....changes and we'll get to work as quickly as possible. Congratulations, by the way. I'm really looking forward to work for you."

"The feeling is mutual Mr.Payne." Harry said, taking a last look at both of them and getting into the lift with an aura of anger and revenge that only Louis could feel.

"Lou?" Liam's soft voice made him look up but everything was blurry.

He knew he was about to cry but he didn't want to lose himself in front of everyone. He had eyes lingering on him of people who were curious as to why does the new boss had his eyes on Louis.

"L-Liam...I need to-need to.." Before he could even complete his sentence Liam pulled him through the hallway and into the washrooms. By the time Louis was a mess.

Tears just won't stop coming. His heart had a weird ache where he didn't know how to feel, happy or distraught.

Happy because it was after about four years he had Harry in front of his eyes. He wasn't a dream or a fragment of Louis' imagination. He was real and breathing and so so close to Louis. He didn't have to worry whether Harry was alive or not. After all this time his eyes met Harry's and it was enough to leave him unsatisfied and aching for more.

Distraught because he remembers the reason why they both broke up. They both do. The memory of about four years ago still fresh and clear behind his eyes. He remembers the pain, disappointment and disgust in Harry's eyes. How Louis fucked up everything. And the scar that was left on their relationship.

He collapsed onto Liam's chest as the other brought his arms around him. Liam came into Louis' life five months after he and Harry were divorced since then he hasn't left. When Liam met him he was still a mess left from Harry. Like a walking dead he was, his heart heavy with guilt, shame and loneliness. Liam helped him through everything and brought him where he is now as they became best friends all along the way. He knew about everything. All that has happened and how much Louis has been through, he was aware. And hence he was scared that this might happen. How the old wounds would reopen again and leave his best mate broken again.

"Li-Liam...I don't-I wasn't..." He was crying like a child. Louis knew he was being pathetic but this couldn't have been helped. It had to happen one or the other day.

"Shhhh Louis. You don't need to say anything. Just listen. I know.....I know that this is too much for you Lou, but you need to be strong, yeah? You're probably going to see him every day. He will be here doing his work as our Boss, nothing more. That's all he would be and you have to keep it that way for you own sake." Liam took Louis' face in his hands and looked right into his eyes. "This is your professional life Louis. Do not spoil it. You've worked so hard Love, we don't want to bring it to trash. Understand?"

He was right.

Louis knew Liam was right. He had to get over it, he needs to keep his personal life far away from his professional. Just like he has done it all this time. He just needs to be a little stronger.

"Y-Yeah. I just need to work it off. I'll be in my cabin if you need me. You should go and start working on the t-task in hand, wouldn't want to disappoint the new boss, yeah? I'll see you in the office."

Louis pulled himself away quickly and fixed his shirt. He splashed some water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror.

"A-Are you sure?" Liam asked, still unsure.

"Yeah. I'll see you." With that he exited the washroom, taking the stairs and heading to his cabin.

"Take care." Liam spoke to no one. He was really worried for his friend, everything Louis had worked up for seemed to parish now. It has been so long and he knew how much it was killing Louis to not just go and collapse into Harry's arms. The distance has always been a knife in Louis' heart but up until now he knew how to handle it, everything is just a bloody mess now that Harry has twisted it deeper. He didn't know what would help his friend anymore, he didn't know Harry Styles and who he now was. Hence before everything crumbles in front of his own eyes, he had to do something.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter. Sorry for the delay guys but I've had some other work going on too which I am Soo excited for!!! And of course this is not betad so if you do find any mistakes please let me know. Anywayy enjoyyy...

Our mind and body are always, in two different states. Mind always hooked on a thin wire where one side has calm and other has chaos, out of our control, it takes its decision. But the body is either in the state of pretend or truth and most of the time we tend to pretend with our body whilst our minds wander into the chaos and calm.

Something Louis is very familiar with. 

He has always been pretending, hasn't he? All this time he lied to himself that he was over everything and was living his life without anything or anyone holding him back. And now he is pretending with everything he has that he is okay .

He is not. He was never.

He had a stack of files by his side which needed to be done by today and a thousand phone calls his way that he has attended sincerely until today. Now his lips wobble and mind lost when he tried to focus on things. Because all he can think about is how Harry is just a couple of floors above him. How much less of a distance is in between them and how he could just go and close it. 

But then he would just be torturing himself more. He knows how much it would hurt him to near him than being far. But Louis has always hated being ignored and unattended. Especially by Harry. So when at the end of the day there is not a single call or sight of Harry, his heart sinks down to the bottom and eyes fill up with the hopes that he had. He held them back though, wouldn't want to be weak in a place where he has built himself stronger. 

The looks at the clock which says Nine and it's way past his working hours. He leaves at seven but he just couldn't leave. Liam checked on him a couple of times and gave him those pitiful eyes as he left, whispering a little 'be safe'. 

There were a little more people still in the office but unlike him they were still busy working. He was done with everything that had been passed to him and all calls answered, he did his best. 

He could see cups of black coffee going upstairs throughout the day. Little portions of salad and weird smoothies following them. He knew who they were for, he has had them for years. Forced fed and even he himself made them for Harry sometimes. Good times.

_"Darling, why do you think I would ever drink something that is green?" Louis spoke, a grimace on his face holding a cup of thick green smoothie that looked like death and filth all in one._

_"Its kale Louis. Good for your health. And I've got this wonder full book here which has a hundred recipes of vegetables and fruit that would make you the healthiest person alive. Isn't it amazing!?" Harry exclaimed holding s thick book which had green all over it and had ways to kill Louis' taste buds. Nope. No way is this book gonna live under Louis' roof._

_"Harry, if you wanted me gone forever you could have just said it, why torturing me with these gross smoothies, huh?" He was seconds away from pouring that shit in the sink but that would just break Harry's heart._

_"Heyyyy don't just say things like that. I never want you gone Lou." Harry said, a sad look on his face as he came closer and closer and closer till there was no space in them. The air vanishing and replaced by something more thick and wonderful. Morning sex has always proved to be such a great head start- pun intended. "You'd never leave right?" Harry asked. Voice gone low and a large hand to his smaller wrist._

_"Of course not." He whispered. Not wanting to break the moment. Eyes landing on Harry's lips, God can he just fast forward to fucking?_

_"Because if you do then you will I experiment these health recipes on? I'm planning to test all hundred!!!" He exclaimed and smashed the book onto Louis' face as he ran off to the gym._

_"Fucking tease." Louis murmured and sipped the disgustingly green smoothie._

Although he never admitted but Harry knew how much Louis liked them. And one day even got caught making one from the book. Harry never let him live that down.

He let out a small laugh and shook his head at how different it was back then. His eyes held the moisture from all these memories that came flooding back. And then he remembers their first encounter after four long years. The first words out of Harry's mouth.

'Louis. How unsurprised I am to see you here!!' 

Louis knew exactly what he meant by that. After all, that was the last impression he had left of himself on Harry. 

He closed his eyes tight and shook his head before he could think more about it. If he dove more into it he would realise what it meant really and would kill him because those shouldn't be the first things Harry says to him. It was painful and disgusting on so many levels. 

He pushed his chair back with a loud creek and got up to leave the office. He couldn't wait anymore and get his hopes high. He knew Harry wouldn't come, so why did he wait? Why did he always have to make a fool of himself? Why can't he just move on? 

None of those questions could he answer.

He packed his briefcase and collected himself before leaving the building and heading to the parking. As he was about to put his hand in his pocket for keys he realised..shit!! 

He came with Liam. He didn't have a ride home because Liam was gone and there was no one that could give him a lift. Could this day turn more troublesome?

After a discussion with himself, walking home seemed to be a good idea because it was getting late, he was hungry and no taxi was in the view. He didn't live that far and he could get take away from that nice place near his building. Harry really loved the fried shrimp they had, maybe he could get that. 

Just as he was about to get out of the building a black range rover passed him very swifty, he moved aside to not die under the car but he could still figure out Harry sitting inside and a woman in the passenger seat. He had a smile on his face as the woman was chatting him up he knew who she was.

Susan.

Fucking bitch.

She did this every time. Every Once when someone new was hired she stayed late and pretended to have no ride, hence alluring men to give her a lift and then what followed was unspeakable. She even had tried to make the same move on Louis but he was quick to make it clear that he doesn't swing that way. 

Harry knew who she was, Louis had told him about her and yet here he was. Giving her a lift home, enjoying attention from people when Louis was walking home alone. 

It just wasn't fair. 

He bit his lip hard enough and hands tight into fists to not just cry on the spot. He didn't realise until today how different things were. How much more different they were going to be. 

He had to see the love of his life act like a stranger to him.

He had to live a life in front of a person who was his life once. 

And that was enough for him to run home, the take away long forgotten and sleep not ready to come so easily.

__________

He woke up with a growling stomach to a dark sky outside. He slowly blinked his eyes open which were sticky and itchy. He slept crying, grabbing his pillow hard and one of Harry's old t-shirts on his body. The smell long gone but it was something of his. 

It was still dark outside that meant he was up really early. His stomach made a noise again and felt like a stone dropped into it. 

Maybe he could drink some milk.

He tiptoed to the kitchen for no reason at all. He had a habit of not liking loud noises early morning when he was the complete opposite throughout the day. Harry called him a hypocrite.

Don't think about Harry god dammit!!!

Ignoring the painful pulse that went through he took out the milk carton from the fridge and heated himself a cup of milk. 

He remembers nudging his husband's nose and whining about being hungry and forcing him to heat some milk. It always managed to tame his growling stomach. He also remembers then cuddling into Harry's chest and sharing the warmth while dozing back to sleep. He stilled his moments and turned around from the stove to gather himself. It was too early to think about things he can't have. Too early to cry and feel things which were better if felt later.

He turned off the heat and poured the milk in a cup. The vapours signalling that it was too hot, he didn't want to burn his mouth. He waited it to go a little Luke warm and brought it to his lips only to drink a half sweet yet tasteless milk which was enough to ruin his mouth. 

Fuck!! Why did it taste so different now?

It was just fine when Harry did it? What now milk was also something that he had to rely on Harry? 

"Fuck this!!" He was irritated, hungry and fucking sad. So so sad. 

Why can't things just turn out to be fine? It's been four years for fucks sake!!

He just wants to drink something and just be happy and fine. Is it really that bad for him? He has tried to move on And make things right again for so long. Nothing feels fair anymore, that someone who is up there is just playing games with him and he defines this nothing but torture. 

The first whimper slipped his lips and that's when he broke down again. He threw the cup in sink not bothering if it broke or now and ran to his bedroom.

All he wanted from Harry was a second chance. Just one chance to prove himself. He begged, he cried, he did every possible thing that night to make Harry stay. He dropped to his knees and held Harry's leg to just understand that he didn't really meant to do anything.

_"Just one chance. Pl-Please Harry, I'm begging you. Please." He clawed at Harry jeans. Not letting go because everything was just crashing down._

_Harsh pull made his grip loose and left him fallen on the ground._

_"You're not fucking worth it!!"_

It stung so bad. Those words were like axes thrown at his heart and how pain thrived through his whole body. Harry left with his everything. All his belongings were gone except for some which Louis had a habit of hiding. Some old t-shirts, jumpers and all of Harry's morning notes. All of them hidden far behind his closet to be taken out on days like these. 

_It was like an earthquake happened inside there bedroom that night. All their frames throw down broken, things lying on the floor, bed messed up and Louis broken there too. Whenever Harry was angry he just threw things, broke things and made a huge mess. He was the complete opposite of what he was usually. But that night he was something else, he was livid. The things he saw, things Louis made him see. Those horrible things he did. He knew those broke Harry too, he was hurt himself, so much that he couldn't control anything neither his mouth nor his hands._

_"What kind of a slut could you be huh?!"_

That was the first time Harry called him that.

_"No, Harry, wait please!! Harry!!" He tried grabbing his arm but then two hands pressed against his chest and he went falling on his back. Harry didn't even bother checking if he was in pain or not. He was but he knew, not as much as Harry._

That was the first time Harry hurt him physically. He deserved it, the second time though was right after.

_A hand grabbed his neck and picked him up. Holding him up against the wall. He was choking, tears in his eyes flooding them and slipping past. Harry had tears in his eyes too but there was more to it. Anger, betrayal and helplessness._

_"I wish you could feel the kind of pain I am feeling right now. But I won't stoop as low as you, my dear."_

_There was no love behind the pet name called. And that painted more than a hand around his neck. There was no love anymore._

Louis closed his eyes and tried not to think more. Thinking brought memories. Memories that are still fresh like yesterday. He clawed at his hand and forced himself to leave early for office. He quickly took a shower, put clothes on and got in the car. His stomach felt like there was a stone inside but the appetite long lost.

He turned up the music helping to block out these thoughts. He needed to stop thinking, now!!

Upon reaching his office he could see how disheveled he looked in the lift mirror. Eyes shrunk, and brown bags surrounding them, hair all over the place which he tried bringing back to normal only to look more messed up. He gave up on fixing his look and jumped a little when the lift let out the ding. He spun around quickly to get out on his floor but then he crashed into a hard chest, his hands on them as head dizzy as he looked up.

It was like the world stopped. 

His eyes went wide and fear filled his senses looking at Harry standing tall and in front of him. He was pushed back inside a little breaking his moment of unbelief. 

"Would you move?" 

He practically shivered at the voice. His own lost somewhere he just nodded and let Harry in. He looked up just to realise that he had forgotten to press his floor number and had reached to the top floor. Harry's floor. 

"Why are you here, may I ask?" Harry asked looking at him. There was nothing in his voice. Not a single emotion and same went for him face. Louis tried looking everywhere but him thinking what should he answer. Truth seemed a good answer for him.

"I f-forgot to press my floor number. Was a little distracted, I-I guess." He spoke getting every word out without choking on them.

"Alright." 

That's it?

Harry jabbed at a two floor numbers harshly, when noticing Louis realised one was his own and second was ground floor. He bit his lips trying to ignore the tension fogging in the lift that seemed to affect only him. He was stiff as a stick but there Harry seemed all relaxed and calm.

Of course he was. 

He jumped again when the lift dinged and quickly tried making his way outside, the door was about to close behind him when a hand came to stop it.

"Louis." Harry called. Louis stopped in his track. This breath was shaken up and felt like he was about to pass out.  
He turned around slowly facing Harry 

"Y-Yes?" His voice was small, barely there. 

"I want you in my office at 12. Sharp." And with that he took a step back in the lift and stood tall. Eyes never leaving Louis' as the lift closed and went down.

Louis was left speechless. 

He held a table beside him for some support because his legs left as they were about to give out. He went into his cabin resting his head in the desk processing everything that happened in the span of five minutes.

Harry wants him in his office. Okay.

Why?

How was he supposed to hold himself when a small chat had him almost unconscious. Only the word why running through his brain till the amount when it started to hurt. He came early to distract himself from Harry but now it doesn't seem to happen so.

He opened his laptop and started going through his mails. Just for the sake of his sanity he needed not think. 

Do not think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be posting more soon. I'm still a little bit not sure about the pacing but I'll sort it out soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a third chapter you guyssss  
> I hope it turned out as I had planned in my head. I have a problem with backspacing everything and starting all new if I feel like it isn't good enough. So I hope it's good and yeah do comment down below and give kudos if you liked it!! <3

"Why do you think he has called me? I mean I-I haven't done anything wrong, have I? He has just been here for a couple of days- what could I have done? Will he-" 

"For fucks sake Lou. Stop thinking so much. He probably has some work with you. Don't overthink this please?" Liam said. Why does he always sound so right? Louis knew Liam was worried. Whole of their floor was tense because somehow everybody knew that Louis was called in the new boss's office. No one knew exactly what for though. He could see everyone looking at him weird, glancing at him with suspicion and then were those whispers. In the span of 3 hours he had heard thinks like

_Oh may be he was getting fired. I mean Mr.Styles doesn't seem to be impressed with him at all._

_I knew he was gonna get fired one day. He is just a lag to this company._

_I heard Tomlinson might sleep with him. I mean he is gay right?_

He tried not to pay attention on them but those were just turning more pathetic and stupid. 

He glanced at the clock showing 11:46. He quickly stood up and straightened out his shirt and trousers before heading out when Liam's hand landed on his shoulder. 

"He is your boss, Lou. Just remember that. He not your Harry and you are not his Louis here. Keep that in mind."

Liam's words held a warning in it which just made Louis more timid. Would he really fuck up? Yet he still nodded and took off.

It was exactly 12:00 when Diana, Harry's receptionist let him in. He knocked on the door lightly as he received a cold come in.

He opened the door as his eyes searched for Harry. And there he was sitting on his chair, a huge black table in front of him, eyes focused on the file in his hands not looking up. He looked so much older like this. In a suit and hair chopped off, which was still hard for him to take in. He walked towards him and cleared his throat.

Harry looked up immediately eyes turning into something different and relaxed himself in his cushioned chair. "Ah! Mr.Tomlinson, how good to see you." He Said but Louis could sense a trace of sarcasm there.

"Ha-" He stopped himself immediately. "Mr.Styles, what did you need me for?" He asked, feeling a bit proud that he didn't stutter.

"You see Louis-" He didn't seem affected using his first name but Louis sure was. He clutched his hand into fists, holding his face to be neutral.

"I was looking through everyone's files. Your previous Boss had left me some recommendations. What was his name again?" Harry asked. He fucking knew where he was going with this. Louis didn't want to answer it. He couldn't get that name out of his throat. 

"I asked you something!!" Harry hissed.

Why was he doing this?

"Mr-Mr. Hobbs." He forced out.

"Now, there is no need to be so formal yeah? Adam, was it? Right?" A dirty smirk formed on Harry's lips but his eyes turning hard. He was enjoying this while it was burning Louis alive.

"Yeah. Adam." This was all too much. 

"Right. So you seem to have a really good relationship with him, I see, because he had some wonderful things to say about you." He spoke, standing up from his chair and walking towards Louis. "In fact he had planned to give you a promotion, here, to this floor, even if you had so many leaves and left incomplete projects within the past two years. I mean, you must be either really good with you work or he is just infatuated with you. Look what he particularly says: Louis Tomlinson, probably the most hard working man I have in my office. He has capability and has shown this company and me nothing but his appreciable effort. Looking at his work throughout his time here, I had planned him a promotion to the top floor as my executive secretary which I still wish for him to have. He has always-" 

"Stop it..." Louis said. His voice was shaking and eyes shut tightly. "Why are you doing this? Just-Just stop." He said, almost begging. Honestly he knew why Harry was doing this, this was his payback and under it's heavy guilt Louis felt like absolute trash in that moment. Wiping the tears that forced their way out with the back of his hand. He couldn't hold his head up, this was just too much. Eyes shut close holding back his emotions. His throat hurt with how much strain he was putting on it.

The way Harry read that out made him want to dig a hole in the ground and bury himself there. He felt dirty.

"Excuse me? I'm just reading what I have been told. In Fact I'm even fulfilling what he was planning to do." 

"W-What do you mean?" Louis was scared to know the answer to that.

"Congratulations Louis Tomlinson you dug your way towards success. You are getting a promotion."

"What?" Blood left his face and everything went pale. What was happening?

"You're my executive secretary from now on. Pack you things and move you stuff here. Diana will show you your office and explain you your work. You're dismissed."

"Harry I-I don't think-" Louis tried. Air leaving his lungs but not coming back. He felt everything was going out of control and in dull frenzy.

"I don't care what you think Louis. I didn't ask your choice, considering that this is what you wanted from the start, right? Now get going." Harry's back turned towards him as his voice slowly started to fade away.

He couldn't take it. He couldn't take Harry thinking about him that way. He didn't want that sick promotion, he didn't want Harry to see him like that. He couldn't take it how much he had fallen in the eyes of the person he loves so much. 

"Pl-Please Harry. I-please..." His voice broke. He got up from the chair and tried approaching Harry when suddenly he seemed too far. Sound didn't reach his ear as it drifted Midway, it was all cloudy. His lashes felt heavy, arms tired and legs giving out, he felt something was wrong with him and just as he realized he was about to pass out in front of Harry, consciousness left his side.

Everything went black then. 

_________

"Lou? Louis? Are you all right?" Came a distant voice. 

Why was it so distant?

There was a bright light behind Louis' eyes before he blinked them open. The couldn't see everything clearly but then the vision became better.

He was glad to see a familiar face of Liam sitting beside him. He was confused as to why he was here? What happened? 

He couldn't exactly remember but before he could ask anything.

"You fucker! How could you be so irresponsible? You had such a low sugar level they had to give it to you through saline. You haven't been eating well, have you? How much of an-" 

"Liam. I'm fine." He said. Slowly he started to remember how he fainted.

Oh.

Harry.

"No you're clearly not. I-" Liam was about to start scolding him again but he cut him off.

"He gave me promotion." Louis spoke. Eyes wide and mind still in disbelief.

"I know." 

"You do?" How could he know?

"Apparently everybody in the office does. They think-" He hesitated. "They think that you're.....sleeping with him. I mean, there are rumours that you are. But don't worry, you shouldn't worry about that, Styles gave you the day off. I ordered you a heavy ass lunch so eat it and head home. And keep a track of your health from now on. Wouldn't want you to make a scene again, yeah?" 

"You're such a mom, Payne. Yeah and I'll have that lunch, Feel hungry." 

As soon as his head landed on the pillow he felt the tiredness wash over him. All the emotions that he has been through were so tiring to the point where felt like he was punctured. He realised that nothing from now was going to be easy. Never was, for him.

He closes his eyes praying to let the new day tomorrow be better. He wouldn't be able to survive this if it was about to get harder. He just wanted to breathe.

___________

The office was in when he entered through the doors. People talking loudly, some softly but everyone had only not thing to talk about.

'Louis Tomlinson got a promotion to the top floor.'

The vile eyes people gave him and dirty looks from his colleagues was enough for him to storm to his cabin.

He was a bit surprised when he saw his things were already packed. 

"You're welcome." Came Liam's voice from behind him. 

"Thanks Li but you didn't have to do that." Louis said. He prayed he didn't sound ungrateful.

"Of course I had to. You can't pack for shit and that's a lot of stuff dude!! That's like enough stuff to fill an empty flat. Why do you have fidget spinners here? How old are you again?" Liam teased.

"Liam! I get bored. The stuff is all reasonable. I like to feel like home wherever I go. Anyway, I'm not going anywhere to let you know." Louis said and took his turn to exit his office.

"What do you mean?" Asked Liam.

"I mean, I'm not taking this promotion. Can't you hear what they're saying Liam? They think that slept with Ha-" He hesitated to call him by his first name in the office. "Him. They think I slept with him. I've always had people talk about me like that but Liam, not with him. And he is not giving me a promotion based on my work. A-Adam left a recommendation for me. He said that I dug my way to this. Can you-Can you believe that? My Harry thinks that? How can he think that?" He said as he closed his eyes shut.

"He is not your Harry, Louis. You need to understand that. He would say things like that but you need to handle yourself. And fuck what everyone thinks, they're just jealous, believe me. People don't always get the opportunity to get what they really want. You are, you should take it."

"I don't want it like this though." 

"What? Would you just give up then? You'd be more of a coward Lou. I say you go for it."

"You think I should?" 

"Yes I do."

"O-Okay then."

"Great!! I'll call someone to pick this all up because no way in hell you are going to be able to carry this."

"Hey! I'm strong."

"Quit joking Lou. You're like an eyelash. All light and delicate."

"I'll fuck you up Payne!!"

"First reach the top shelf. Then we'll talk." 

God he didn't know if he hated Liam more or Loved him.

What was worrying him more was what was he going to do now? He didn't really feel good about this whole thing, no matter what Liam said, it just didn't feel right. He didn't get the promotion based on his talent but rather his dirty past. Louis bit his lip and closed his eyes shut to contain himself and not to think about the memories of his past. He shivered as he felt a cold breeze hugged his body, goosebumps rose on his skin and felt extremely uneasy. He hated cold, it made him feel alone and he didn't need another reminder for that.

Liam wished good for him and he knew taking this opportunity that's in front of him could help him rejuvenate his passion to work for this company. 

He sighed and sat in his chair brought his legs up closer to his chest, burying his face in his arms he tired to block out his thoughts.

He could make a thousand excuses for himself but he aware that if there was even a slight reason he was even considering taking the promotion was because he knew that could be just a little bit closer to Harry then. Beside his office, knowing what the taller man was doing, how he looks in the morning all suited up, how he leaves all tired and loose tie, does he still walk in circles while talking on the phone? Does he still run his hands through his hair every time he is stressed? 

Louis knows all the answers to those but he needs to see all those habits again, he needs to see Harry in the morning, in the afternoon, his evening tired look. Louis has missed him so much after all. He squeezed himself tighter into a small ball and felt a flame of excitement inside him but he was aware how frightened he actually was. He was terrified of what Harry had become and he didn't even know him properly yet, it stung to say it but yes he didn't know this Harry and he was afraid to get to know more of him.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I am late at updating but my tests are about to start and I'll be a little late on updating henceforth. Sorry guys.

The top floor was as intimidating as always. 

It was lonely and a dead silence was all could be heard. Only the top floor had its separate reception followed by a small store room and two doors leading to two cabins. One was going to be his and the other was his boss'.

The receptionist, Diana, he remembers, looks up and smiles at him.

"Oh Mr. Tomlinson! You're here. Mr Styles told me to set up your office but if you want to personalise it, go ahead. He is not here yet, might as well make yourself familiar." She instructed him. With the tone of her voice and gesture he could tell that she was a really nice lady. His staff wasn't so pleasant with him all the time so being treated with such politeness was kind of a good change. 

He nodded and turned towards his office.

"By the way, Congratulations on the promotion. I'm looking forward to working with you." She smiled and continued her previous work.

It wasn't the biggest office in the building, that was Harry's after all. But this was his own. Not a small square or a shared cabin, it was his own office. There was a brown table set in the centre and his chair behind it. The room was cream coloured and all of the decor was brown or ivory. He smiled and began setting up his things excitedly when he heard someone clear their throat.

"Oh" He got startled to see Harry standing on the other side of the room. "H-How did you get in?" He asked. Cursing himself that he got so nervous.

"Our offices are connected for you to come in faster if I call. Here." He showed the way and walked towards the door, Louis followed him slowly.

"It won't be much difficult for you to be familiar with the surroundings here as I presume you already are. But I just wanted to make you aware with some of my rules. Okay?" He said, sitting in his chair.

"Yes sir." 

"So first, do not touch my things without my permission, this is my office and will not appreciate if anyone messes things up. If you want to contact me about something the only source should be the company email. I do not want to share any personal information with you-"

"But-"

"I'm still talking Louis. Don't interrupt me."

"Sorry." Louis bowed his head down unable to meet Harry's overpowering gaze.

"As I was saying, even my schedules and files are to be sent by emails. You need to keep a hardcopy of everything as well as a soft copy. Never, I repeat never be late on submitting the assignments given to you." He got up from his chair, slowly walking behind Louis and whispered into his ear. "You know what I think though?" Harry asked 

"What?" Looking up, Louis let out a small voice.

"I think even if you are, I'm sure you'll come up with some consolation 'favours' right?" 

Like a push from the window his heart landed on the floor with a mute thud. 

"I..I don't know what you're talking about." Louis said, hurt visible as sky in his voice as he averted his eyes.

"Don't play so nonchalant Tomlinson. I've seen the face beyond this innocence. I know what kind of a whore you are."

The words were like swords in his chest that he had to take. 

He pushed Harry away, placing a hand on his own chest, making sure his heart beat steady. Failing to do so.

"Enough Harry!!" He raised his voice, there was so much frustration in it.

"That's Sir for you. And no it's not enough!!" Harry snarled. "Not yet. You think this is all a coincidence, huh? That I became the owner of this company over night? I could have bought any company I wanted, any, but you know why I chose this one? " Harry asked, the silent growl behind his throat. He grabbed Louis' shoulders harshly and said.

"It's because of you." His face held anger and eyes Shining with so much hatred behind it making Louis' go wide. "All these years I had you on my mind all the fucking time. Every minute! Every second! I carried your betrayal on my chest, worked my ass off just to be here, in front of you. I wanted to give you the pain I've been carrying for four fucking years. This place is the reason why you betrayed me, now this will be the place where I will break you." Louis' knuckles turned white as he gripped the chair behind him. Horror wide in his eyes and mind worn tired.

Who was this man? He asked himself.

This wasn't Harry. This wasn't his Harry. 

That moment onwards he realised how much he had actually broken Harry and how much of a pathetic human he himself was.

With tears in his eyes nodded towards Harry.

_ I deserve this.  _

He thought to himself and ran out of the room not looking back.

That's all he could do.

__________

" _I love you." Harry whispered in his ear, slowly pushing the T-shirt aside to reveal Louis' tanned shoulder. He placed a gentle but firm kisses there licking his way towards his neck. "Never try making me jealous again baby. You know how crazy I get." He whisper growled, biting harshly on Louis' neck_  
 _  
"Ah!! I-I'm sorry..." Louis pleaded, one hand flying to grab Harry's bicep and other to his shoulder._  
 _  
"Who do you belong to? C'mon, tell me?" Harry asked. Dominance pouring from his voice. He held Louis' chin in his hand harshly making a sharp eye contact._  
 _  
"Y-You Harry. Yours...." His voice came out as a whine, which was enough to bring out the absolute animal in Harry. He almost tore their clothes and pushed Louis' legs on his shoulders._  
 _  
"That's right darling!! Mine Yeah? Fucking mine. Gonna fuck you so good, make you scream." Harry growled and pushed in two of his lubed up fingers._  
 _  
"Yes Yes ah-c'mon Haz, fuck me! Please.." Louis found no shame in begging, if he wanted something he sure as hell would get it, one way or another._  
 _  
A small smirk made its way on Louis' face when he felt Harry push into him which didn't go unnoticed by Harry._  
 _  
"You planned this, didn't you? Knew I'd get jealous when you decided to grind on that man. Such a dirty mind...but you have to get punished baby. Or it wouldn't be fair, would it?"_  
 _  
Before Louis could answer Harry thrust all the way in punching the air out of Louis' lungs making him scream in pleasure. Harry grabbed him by his waist and angled himself to go in deeper and harder like he was going to claim him. He was._  
 _  
"H-Haz...I'm so-so close..." Louis moaned, his hands flying into his own hair gripping tightly, not being able to handle so much pleasure all at once._  
 _  
"Oh no baby. You don't get to come so easily. I'm going to first and after that, we'll see if you are worthy, yeah?" Harry said, his voice gone much more deeper than before, sweat dripping down his body and hands holding Louis down._  
 _  
"Y-Yeah okay yes" Louis could never disobey him and hence just took it, lying down, everything Harry could give him. The room had the sounds of skin slapping against skin, Harry's low growls and Louis' loud moans. It was like music to their ears. Not being able to control himself, a last but particularly Hard thrust had Harry coming inside Louis._  
 _  
"Harry...p-please?" Louis begged._  
 _  
"Yeah okay, come baby. Come for me...." And that was enough for him to follow Harry and come all over his stomach. Hard._  
 _  
From the outside no one could ever tell this tall cupcake like looking beauty could be such a possessive jealous man. Even Louis was shocked with how obsessive Harry was of him. His presence in bed held the aura of a complete Dominant. Controlling, manipulating, powerful. Everything Louis ever wanted in his man. He never once disliked that quality of Harry, he relieved in it even. Constantly, teasing and flirting with other men to urge Harry up. Leading to an amazing round of sex they have, with Harry fucking the living day out of Louis. He knew Harry loved him too much to ever take it to the heart and so he always played along._  
 _  
The night ended with both of them tangled together sharing body warmth. sleeping surrounding them and later Louis' stomach growling with hunger._  
 _  
"Harry...Harry!!" He poked him on the stomach._  
 _  
"Hm?" Came Harry's sleep filled voice._  
 _  
"I'm hungry.." Louis whined._  
 _  
"What time is it?"_  
 _  
"Three in the morning."_  
 _  
"Jesus Louis can't you wait till a sunrise or something?"_  
 _  
"No. Now get up and make me that magic milk of yours."_  
 _  
"It's just milk and cinnamon Lou. Not magic."_  
 __  
"Same thing."

Cinnamon.

That's what he forgot to put in his milk. That's why it tasted so bland and tasteless. 

He cursed himself having such a vivid dream. Honestly was it even a dream or a memory? He doesn't know. All his moments spent with Harry now just seem like some kind of heavenly dream that he was a part of, the Harry before doesn't exist just like when he wakes up his dreams exist no more.

It was three in the morning and Louis' stomach again begging him to eat something. He had a particularly small dinner with just a sandwich and juice. It wasn't enough.

He walked downstairs again heating up milk and adding cinnamon this time.

Just like Harry use to make.

Now though, all Harry could do is make his life miserable. At every point when he felt like he might get through it, Harry's did something worse. Whether it was just the document making or Bringing him food. Never did Harry leave a chance to make him feel meeky about himself. 

It was three weeks since he joint the top floor as the executive secretary and all of it have been like hell. He was burdened with constant work and pressure dates, field work that he was not used to and sometimes Harry's personal work too. Which was something more hard and painful for him to do.

He noted Harry's dates with people, had to watch him flirt with them in front of his eyes. He'd lie if he said that it didn't hurt him. He had to look in the eyes of a man that he loves and tell him he had a dinner date with some bitch. He was told to pick the hotels and venues for it, bring gifts for them sometimes pick Harry's outfits too.

It was so cruel.....

His landline rang suddenly making him jolt in the chair. His hands tightened on the cup he was holding as confusion filled his senses.

What the hell? 

Who would call him 3 o'clock in the morning?

He decided not to pick it up and head to the bedroom. The ring went off, and a voice filled the room from the answering machine.

"I know you are awake."

Louis' breath stopped.

Harry.

He had never turned his head so fast in his entire life. 

"You always pick up the phone, anytime it rang." He spoke and Louis felt like falling in the place, knees going weak. The sound of Harry's breaths was coming, he was thinking 

"Every night, for the past four years I didn't have you beside me, I didn't have you to hold when you felt cold or heat some milk up for you. I didn't have to deal with doing your laundry or cooking. I didn't have you with me when it was supposed to be our anniversaries or your birthdays but Lou, I celebrated it all. Drowned myself in alcohol those days till I had no sense of where I was just so I could numb the pain. Had to get help. I can't drink anymore. Now you tell me what should I do Louis? How to-How to stop this unbearable pain? How to stop being so sickly of these thoughts? We were suppose to be together, you vowed to love me forever. And then you....you-" 

The message cut off with a beep leaving Louis' heart crying in pain.

His breath shuddered wildly, he held nearest support as his knees gave out, sliding down the wall, he broke down.

Why?

The only thing he was thinking of, Why now? Why did he call? 

It was so cruel of him to do that at this hour when he knew Louis is vulnerable at the most. He knows this will break Louis, those words will kill him enough to stop breathing and all those emotions of all those years ago will come rushing back.

_ "How was he? Was he any good? Better than me? huh? Tell me baby!! Did it feel good?!" Harry growled looking at his husband who was on his knees crying his eyes out. _

_ "Fucking answer me!!!!" His voice roared making Louis scared, his hands started shaking. _

_ "H-Harry...We didn't-I was- I was drunk and he- it was a mistake please. I'm sorry- so sorry I-" _

_ Suddenly he was grabbed by his collar and pulled up on his feet. Harry slammed him to the nearest wall bringing their faces too close to let anyone emotion go unnoticed. _

_ "I'll go get drunk and fuck someone else infront of your eyes with just as passion as I with you, how will you take it Lou? Tell me!! It'll kill you, wouldn't it? Well guess what? I feel like I'm dying inside, I can't take those images out of my fucking head!! I'm going mad!!" He let a tear slip from his eyes not blinking it away, he was searching Louis' face. He begged in his brain that let this was a bad bad dream but nothing was going right. "How could you?! How could you do it without even thinking about me once? Your ring in the dressing table tells me you didn't give a single fuck about us....about this marriage!!! I wasn't enough for you that you had to beg someone else to fuck you. You've fallen that pathetic!!!" Harry spat, rage taken over his eyes, his words cut through Louis' heart like glass. It was enough for him to fall hysteric and lose his mind. _

_ "Please Harry! I love-" _

_ "Don't you fucking say that!!"  _

_ There was silence after Harry's words for a minute. He released Louis from the tight grasp and stepped behind turning his back to him. The only sound in the room was of Harry's deep breaths and Louis' silent cries. _

_ "I think we should end it." Harry spoke calmly after a while. Louis snapped his neck up at those words.  _

_ Nononononononono _

_ Was all playing in his mind. _

_ Harry turned around standing tall and away from him. _

_ "What are you saying?" Louis whispered, his voice scared, timid and broken.  _

_ "I'm saying that we should get a divorce. We're done."  _

We're done.

Those words were still haunting him. 

We're done. 

Like a cassette on repeat it playing in Harry's voice. He grabbed his hair harshly to feel pain there instead of his heart because it was unbearable. Too much to take and so less he could give. 

He got up and grabbed the phone harshly dialing the only number written on the note pad beside.

He picked up immediately at the first ring.

"You're a fucking asshole!!!" He screamed into the speaker.

He heard a chuckle coming from the other side followed by his voice. 

"Knew you'd call." Spoke Harry.

"Why are you doing this now Harry? You've punished me so much already for what I've done. What is it now that you want? What do you want?!" He begged him to tell. 

The line was dead silent. No he didn't cut the call Louis could still hear the breathing but right now he wanted answers. He needed them. 

"Please tell me Harry. I can't-"

"I missed your voice...." Harry said cutting Louis off. "Can't sleep at night because I want to hear your voice and I can't, all because you fucked up, because you couldn't keep your promises. I'm suffering because of you!! It's all your fault." His voice broke at the end. Louis knew he was crying.

"And you think I'm not? Harry don't even dare get this idea that I'm enjoying this…..whatever you've put me through. Four years Harry, Four years without you were worse than hell for me and you know that. I made a huge mistake, I know, I'm not worthy to be forgiven but I was at least worthy to be listened to. You didn't even give me a chance to explain myself, what actually happened. You-You shut me out Harry. You fucking divorced me. You send me the papers without even talking to me once, without listening to my side once. I wouldn't have expected you to forgive me after that, I don't. But it would have been a little easier for me to live with knowing that at least you know the complete truth!!" Louis explained, he doesn't know how he was able to say so much without losing his shit.

"Nothing you could have ever said made me feel better." 

"I know. It was not for you to feel better, it was for you to know the truth and not just believe what you saw."

The line cut off after that leading to another of the sleepless night.

___________


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I am very very late I have exams on my head and shit ton of assignments to do so here is a new chapter Because I was procrastinating

The morning at the office was a hectic as everyday. Just that Louis hadn't seen Harry all of his time there. He had pinned the schedule to his soft board but it was untouched at the end of the day. Alongside the nonstop calls he was receiving he couldn't take his mind off of his boss' absence. 

So he called all of the people Harry could be with.

From Nick, Luke, Cara to some of his stupid flings too.

"Hello, Umm Miss Rose? Yeah I'm Louis Tomlinson, Mr.Style's secretary. I was wondering if by any chance he was at your place or any idea you knew where he was?" He asked as politely he could even though she was not worth it. Some Bitch she was.

"Oh Harry? No I haven't seen him for a while actually. You're his secretary, aren't you supposed to know that? How irresponsible. Anyway, ask him to visit me when you get a hold of him. Ta!" And the line went dead 

And if he was given the authority to yell he would be doing that now.

Fucking Harry styles.

He gave up then calling for him and continued with the Pile of files he still had to work on.

________

It was a week after the night with the phone call and there was still no sign of Harry the whole time. Louis' patience were giving out and the employees were all falling back due to the lack of instructions. Louis could do his best managing them all and filling in for their absent Boss but still all of their work lagged and stress was all visible on everyone's faces.

When a project they acquired was on the line of failure was when Louis snapped and decided that this was it. He had to take the matter into his own hands and confront Harry about all of this mess. 

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Asked Liam, his face showed how scared he was sneaking upon this Boss but to Louis it was just checking up on Harry. 

"At this point Liam, anything that will get that man to the office is a good idea for me. I can't compromise with work Li, you know it. And I won't let him bring it down." Louis said sharply. "Now you stay in the car as I think you're about to piss your pants. I'll go inside and check where he is and all that. Wait for me here, yeah?" He said getting out of the car as Liam nodded. "Good, I'll be right back."

All was good until he reached the gates but then he realized, 

What was he supposed to say?

The gates opened for him as the watchman knew who he was. He had never been inside Harry's house before. It was a damn three floored mansion actually, very fancy and very high class, just like Harry had always imagined he'd have one day. 

But what was he going to say once going inside?

'Oh hello you weren't in the office for a whole week so I'm here to check the fuck up on you.'

Too straight forward.

He was about to ring the bell but then he saw that the door was open. It pains him to know why its open, Harry never like the doorbells. Hated when it rang loudly in the silence that he preferred so he use to seal the bell and keep the door open for people to let in. He has forgotten the amount of times he has scolded Harry about it. 

He shoved all those thoughts aside and turned the doorknob letting himself in.

"Mr Styles?" He asked formally. It's been awhile since Harry became his boss but calling him that still feels foreign on his tongue.

"Harry?" He calls a little loudly.

The house inside was like a fucking 5 star hotel. Yellow lights surrounding the whole floor. A huge chandelier hanging from the roof which was too high. Furniture was spotlessly luxurious. Louis wonders how many workers does Harry have to clean this up. What did he do to get here? All is a mystery. The walked the stairs to the upper floor to search for Harry's room, he called his name again but got no response. 

Just when he was about to give up he heard voices from the floor above, and he headed there. The door of one of the rooms there was open. 

Maybe Harry was in there. Was that his room?

"Harry? Are you in ther-"

He fell shut as soon as he was inside.

His heart dropped suddenly making him go rigid, standing in the middle of the room.

Nonononono

He was not ready for this.

It's been four years and he didn't have the courage to face her even for a second of it.

There was Harry resting his head on his mother's lap as she calmed him down. 

He was crying. The physical ache he felt to go and touch was impeccable. To just cry out a string of sorrys and please on the tip of his tongue. He still can't fathom the thought of Harry crying, let alone see.

But that wasn't what he saw first. He saw her, Anne.

"A-Anne-" He tried to say something but she cut him off.

"Not a word." Was all enough for him to shut up. His legs were on the verge to give out as the woman laid her son's head on the bed gently and started walking towards him. 

He could see Harry over her shoulder, burying his face into the pillow and pretending to be asleep.

Anne stood right in front of him, her eyes not leaving his face as she spoke.

"Let's take this to the drawing room, shall we?" Her voice didn't give away any of the emotion, hiding it completely.

"Y-Yeah." He cursed himself in the inside for stuttering.

It was the small silence after that which suffocated Louis. He and Anne were really close, sometimes more than his own mother. She adored Louis to the moon and back, giving him all the love she had, he was her son. Until....

Until he ruined everything.

"This is the second time I've seen him cry. And guess what Louis?" She looked at him with poison in her eyes."For the same reason all over again. I promised him everything will be alright even though nothing was and now, you're back, the reason which broke him four years ago the first time, repeating the history again!!" She led them both downstairs, towards the front door. 

He was being thrown out.

"Stop whatever it is you're doing and leave him alone. That's all I ask of you." She said with spite.

Your son won't let that happen!!!

He wanted to scream.

"Why don't you ask, What happened that night? Why don't you ask why did it happen? Why don't you ask me how I am, Anne?" He stepped away from her, eyes filling with tears as he looked up at her. "You called me your son once." He sighed, dejectedly.

"He told me everything." She told him.

He let out a small chuckle which lacked humour.

"He doesn't even know everything. Everyone just jumped to conclusions and just- just threw me out of their lives, just like you're doing it again, right now. Throwing me out of your house for your son's well being, not even caring for a second why I was here." He spoke finally, his voice now had confidence, now that her eyes softened. "Please tell him to attend office henceforth. We're facing a lot of trouble without our boss and the sooner the better. That's all I wanted to say. Thank you for your time." He said, turning back to open the door himself. "Ma'am." He added looking into her eyes, watching them filling up. He quickly exited rushing to the heavily worried Liam.

"Louis? What happened?" He asks to a very red faced and dejected Louis.

"Nothing. The message has been given, we just have to hope he comes back soon." His throat started to hurt as he held back his sobs and packed all the emotions in. "Lets go." He whispered.

Liam knew better than to question him more about it as he quickly nodded and dropped Louis home with a hug and a 'take care buddy'. 

Louis fell onto his knees once inside his house and held his head in his hands, trying not to let a single tear run down but as soon as the strange look Anne gave him flashed before his eyes, the crying Harry in his bedroom all because of him, he couldn't hold back anything.

His pillow soaked with his tears throughout the night giving him so little sleep. 

It wasn't needed anyway, he told himself and stared at the only picture he had of them. 

His family.

________

To everyone's avail Harry did come the next day. Eyes red and look disheveled. But still somehow so breathtaking, every person present in the office looked at him as he took each step forward. The door of his office opened which made Louis jolt up in surprise.

Louis held a next level messy look, eyes sleep deprived and body, energy. He still looked up at the taller man and held their gaze. Anxiously waiting as to what the first words out of Harry's mouth would be.

"Seems like you missed me." 

The arrogant piece of shit spoke. 

What more had Louis expected? A gentle greeting? A humble nod? Fuck that.

"Fuck off Harry." He spat, standing up from his chair, head spinning there for a second but he recovered quickly.

"Watch your tongue Tomlinson. That sharp mouth of yours will get you in some trouble." He spoke as he walked inside, slowly.

"You know who really is in trouble right now? This company!! We've got three major unfinished plans and tens of unsigned agreements with a deadline of two-two fucking days!! I'd rather- rather worry about that th-than me. I-I don't give two fucks about what my-" He cut himself off as he could feel Harry's eyes heavy on him. "What?" He asked.

"Come with me." Harry said, coldly.

"Where?" 

"Where it all started." 

________

Do you know the feeling when you don't know where you are and the panic is at your highest?

That's what was Louis was going through. 

But he knew this room. Very familiar he was, with the furniture, the walls, the bed he was sitting on, the ceiling that he could see up straight. It was the office suite, which only the Founders of the company would get. He had been here before. The light which was dim enough to just show the silhouette of the person. And he could see Harry's very well. He was sitting in a chair in front of the bed looking directly at Louis. His leg folded on the other and chin rested on his hand. It made Louis sit up and squirm in his place. 

"I know what you are thinking." Harry said surprising Louis a little. "You are here because I thought it would be a good flash back, wouldn't it? And I wanted you in good senses before we have a chat." The bed dipped down beside Louis and a familiar warmth spread around him. He backs away though, because as much as he wanted it, he couldn't have it.

"So tell me Louis, How are you?" His voice went dangerously low and Louis knew he was holding so much back.

"I'm....I'm fine." He couldn't think of saying anything else. He was anything but fine, thought telling the truth will only make him seem more pathetic than he was being.

"Of course. Work is paying off just fine, right?" 

That was it. Like a dam broke off, he looked up at Harry. Confusion and pain clear in them. He grabbed the Harry's collar and brought him closer, in front of him

"Tell me why are you doing this? Bringing me here, that sick promotion thing, this-this talking and everything. The day you left you made it clear you never wanted to see me again. Then why bring everything back? Why do you have to barge into my life again, and fucking ruin everything I worked for. Its-Its hurting me..." He said, it was difficult but there, he said it. It's been four years of guilt and shame he had inside him. It never left him alone and was eating him alone everyday.

"How much?" Harry asked. Louis looked at him, confused. "How much does it hurt? Does it feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest? Or does it feel like you're being burnt alive? Or like a knife through you chest? How much does it hurt Louis?"

He didn't answer.

"Tell me!!" He growled, he held both Louis' shoulders in his hands and looked straight into his eyes.

"I've spent four years living in agony. Every minute, every second of the day, all I could think about was you, you and how much I wanted to see you in pain that I went through. Wanted you to feel the things that you put me through. So tell me Lou, How much does it hurt?!" His voice held so much hate and pain. All of the things Louis could feel.

"So much." Louis whispered.

"What was that?" 

"It hurts so much Harry!! Can't take it sometimes! You're not the only one that has been through the suffering. You left me and I did nothing but suffer through all these years." He confessed.

"Yeah? Do you remember this room Louis?" 

"Yes."

"Me too."

_ "Ah-Ah fuck, Adam please..." Louis whined as the older man grabbed his face and kissed him.  _

_ "God!! Look at you, you're fucking beautiful..." Adam whispered into his ear as he wandered his hands all over Louis' half naked body, making him almost squirm in the bed. He clutched the bedsheet into his fists and pushed away all the disgusting thoughts making their way. He didn't feel beautiful at all, in fact he never felt so dirty in his entire life. Every inch in him wanted to stop but he knew what would the result be. Adam ran his fingers through his hair making him moan and forget. "I love you so much Louis. So so much. Tell me you love me back baby, tell me you love me." _

_ No!!  _

_ He had to stop this, before this could go any further. He had to stop all of it!! _

_ "Adam, I- !!" He had hands all over his body and the heat burning up in his stomach. But before he could say anything, they heard the door open. _

_ "Lou?"  _

_ The voice didn't belong to both of them. _

"Right on this bed Lou, that man had you. In his lap, his lips on you, Right in front of me!!" Harry said and for the first time his voice wavered. His eyes held tears and anger. So much of anger. Louis whimpered at his words and cried harder. He tried to get closer to Harry but the man just pushed him away roughly.

"Nine years Louis. Nine years of relationship. We were fucking married!! All the-All the vows we took, promises we made, yeah? You remember? All gone. All gone because of you!!" He growled loudly making Louis flinch in his place.

"What is it that I don't know more? What was there to know more than what I saw? Everything was right in front of me, Lou." He looked at Louis, anger all aside and just pure desperate need to know visible. "He said he loved you, you lied to me at home I-" His words got stuck on his tongue when the realisation hit him. Eyes wide and scared to ask what he was about to ask Louis. "Were you-Were you in love with him Lou?"

Louis' eyes snapped up to meet Harry's,his head already shaking in 'no' before it could come out.

"No!! I only ever loved one person Harry. And that's you." He brought his hands to cradle Harry's face. "It has always, always been you." 

"Liar!!" Harry growled trying to take Louis' hands off his face. 

"I'm not lying Harry. Please believe me I'm-"

"I talked to him." Harry said, silencing Louis. "After I left and calmed down, I went to see him, know who he was and why did he do it. Do you know what he told me Louis? He said that you were single and you don't need permission from a friend to date. He said just because I was your 'friend' didn't mean that I get to control who you date or more specific who you 'fuck'. I just stood there, dumbfounded and laughing internally at myself. How could I be so stupid? It was all I could think then. You told him I was your fucking friend? That you got out of a bad relationship years ago and I'm just looking out for you? How much more have you lied huh? I didn't want to know more so I ran from there but now I want to. How much more had you lied? Was he just the one or were there more? I need to know everything today!!" 

His words reopened all the wounds Louis was trying to fill throughout all these years. The blood oozing out of them as Harry's empty eyes looked at him with disgust once which were filled with so much love. He was scared that the truth would never be enough for Harry to forgive him or even treat him decently. His lies had done enough to break them and had cost him his Harry. 

"I need you to speak. Now!!" He raised his voice.

"Y-You won't understand." Louis whispered. 

"What was that?" 

"You won't understand. It's not enough for you to forgive me Harry. It's useless just like me and you need to understand that none of this is worth me. You said it yourself r-right? I'm not really worth it." His voice broke at the end, tears falling uncontrollably as he furiously wiped them. "L-Let it go. Please." He begged.

"I didn't fucking ask you if you wanted to tell. Let me be the judge of it. I need to know Lou. I need to know what made you cheat on me, I need to know why did you do it. I deserve it."

Harry had tears in his eyes threatening to fall. "Please just, tell me."

That was it. After all these years of keeping the truth to himself. The shameful truth he had hidden from everyone, the truth that he still regrets exists, he was going to go tell Harry everything.

________


	6. Chapter 6

"It was about a couple-couple of months after our three year marriage anniversary." Louis spoke. He saw Harry's shoulders go tense at his words. He knew why. "You had started to act a little strange and I was getting worried because you just won't tell me what was bugging you. You still acted like yourself but I could see there being a difference. I wasn't going to confront you about it because I thought it was some work stuff so I let it go until one day you were unexpectedly early....."

_Harry was home early that day. Its questioned Louis that on a Tuesday when usually his husband was not even capable of looking up from his files, Harry was home early. And that certainly didn't sit well with Louis._

_He saw Harry's car keys thrown on the table, strange, Harry was the neatest person with an OCD of keeping things in their specific places no matter what, and car keys were supposed to go on the key hanger beside their door._

_He walked closer to pick them up then upon a closer look he realized there were no actual car keys there, just his Hello kitty keychain with no keys attached. He rushed to the balcony to see if the car was in the parking but frowned when he saw no car in sight._

_Harry's work bag was thrown beside the sofa, his papers spilling out so unlike him. He gathered them together but stilled when a certain paper caught his eye._

_Car sell?_

_Harry had sold his car?!_

_Why would he do that? It was his father gift to him before he passed away, Harry had treasured the car like his most prized possession._

_This got him worried as he rushed towards their room, the door was half open but soft voices were heard from their bathroom. He stepped inside, Harry's voice becoming clearer._

_"I-I can't- won't be able to even take care of him, mum. He deserves so much better than me, he is the best thing that ever happened to me and here I am, a failure who lost his job and had to sell his car to pay bills. Mum, Why am I such a loser? Why? I promised him that I'd never let him spend any of his days with me in misery. I promised to keep him happy. I don't know how many of those I'll be able to keep Mum I so so pathetic...."_

_Louis couldn't listen more._

_His heart ached and he clenched his eyes shut keeping a hand over his mouth. He stumbled backwards out of the room with a realization, all these problems he was keep away from, or more like he didn't even dwell upon those thoughts. He was so irresponsible and dependent that blinded him from seeing all the problems they were going through._

_Harry blamed himself for all of this when in reality Louis was at fault too. His ignorance and lack of effort had put them in a position like this where his husband had to sell his car to pay their bills._

_He felt useless, just a burden on Harry who was trying his best, still thinking about Louis in a situation like this and here he was, with a masters degree yet working at pathetic job at a coffee shop with bare minimum wages. Useless he was._

_They were married for three years now, never had he thought they would come to a point like this._

_A mute sigh left his lips and guilt followed, remembering how Harry sounded so stressed helpless. Louis never bothered to look closely at how life was slowly being sucked out of his husband as he tried to keep their sheltered and well fed._

_Louis had to do something._

_He couldn't just sit there and watch things collapse. Couldn't just wait for Harry to make things better, couldn't just put all their responsibilities on Harry which were suppose to be shared between them just like the Happiness they had decided to share. All the good and the bad._

_He will be Harry's rock this time. He was going to do something and that had to be done soon._

_That night when Harry came out of the bathroom with bloodshot eyes proving that he was crying made Louis want to dig a hole and die, his big strong Harry crying didn't go well for him. He wanted to see the smile on his face again. He held Harry close that night after dinner. The whole time Harry never let it slip about his job or the car or anything, pretending everything was perfect and fine when it was far from it. Louis let himself feel wrapped in his husband arms nuzzling his nose in Harry's chest he said "I love you."_

_"I love you too baby, so much." Harry whispered and Louis felt a kiss on top of his head as his eyes became heavy and drifted off to sleep with a decision behind his eyes._

_The next morning he woke up with the sun._

_Harry was still peacefully sleeping in their bed letting out cute little snores. Louis wishes he could stop everything, the time, revolution, air and just look at his beautiful Harry who would do anything for Louis. He would go to the ends of the world just for Louis and Louis was well aware of that._

_But this time it was his turn, he was the one who would make the effort for them. They both were strong and wonderful who deserved nothing but happiness._

_He took a small breakfast and headed out immediately, he put all his certificates and letters in a folder, all his accomplishments, thinking that they'd surely come in handy. He knew what he had to do._

_He was going to find a better job._

_"_ I didn't want you to take all our responsibilities on your shoulders alone so I thought it was the best option. I didn't tell you right away because I knew you wouldn't let me. Knew that you'd just say that you can manage everything on your own. You are so stubborn. And I was right, when I told you that I was offered a job at some company you didn't agree and said that it wasn't even worth the money. You started making excuses at every job I hunted. So I-I had to work harder, find a job with absolutely no flaw and pays great which I thought was impossible, well, I-I was right..."

_Four weeks._

_He'd been finding jobs and Harry has been rejecting all of them._

_He was so tired of Harry's stubbornness, the constant back and forth of the interviews, he was exhausted._

_This wasn't gonna work, he thought._

_Harry was a prideful person. He believes that he can take care of everything and everyone just by himself and there was absolutely nothing wrong with that, Louis knows Harry is a good person and it's the love that makes Harry do things like these. He wants to treasure people that loves, wants them to be happy and proud of him. But sometimes his husband forgets that he is supposed to take care of himself through all this too._

_And Louis was worried that he wasn't._

_Everyday Harry came home looking more and more lifeless. He went straight to bed after dinner and woke up early and left. He was losing himself as a person and Louis just couldn't bear the thought of that much less watch it happening._

_This was his twelfth interview. Standing in front of a tall black building now was just as intimidating as it was the first time. This was way more bigger though. From outside itself it looked as if it were a multi billion dollar company, it was scary._

_A couple of months ago the coffee shop which he used to work at was holding a charity event therefore one of his customers had left his card with the bill telling that if they needed any help, just to ring the number or visit his office. And this was the office._

_Novel properties._

_He did do his research before applying for the job and came to know that this was one of the leading companies even tough run by young employees and managing directors. This could be a perfect place for him, because they could give him a good chance and just an overlook like some high ranked companies do._

_He entered the building instantly catching the difference in the temperature inside. It was like the A/C was on full blast. He shivered a little and went to the reception._

_"Excuse me?" He asked a young lady sitting there. She looked up through her glasses, finger still hovering over the keyboard she was typing on._

_"Yes? How May I help you?" She asked._

_"Umm My name is Louis Tomlinson, I had applied for the job? They said that I was called in for the interview."_

_"Oh yes yes. You may take the elevator to the seventh floor, its where the orientation is taking place. Turn to your left when you get out of the lift and head straight you'd see an auditorium, it's where you go. Good luck" She explained._

_He didn't know there was an orientation though. He thanked and smiled at her before making his way._

_He was sitting in the middle of the crowd, there was a little dim light illuminating the auditorium with all the whispers of the people attending and there of a bunch of them._

_The lights went off and a man was standing on the stage with a spotlight on him collecting everyone's attention._

_"Hello fellows." He smiled at everyone._

_He looked quite Young to be honest. And good looking too._

_"My name is Adam Hobbs. If you did your research well, you already know who I am. Anyway for those who didn't, I'm one of the managing directors of this company and I know it's not my job to hire employees but no one can say no to me so here I am." He smiled._

_Everyone let out a little laugh of ease. He seemed cool to Louis._

_"So we were looking for an addition of eight people for our company and you all here are about seventy. It's a tough competition you see. But! we expect the very best from all of you because we will only take in the very best." He said_

_Louis took a deep breath. He could do this. His job was made for him, he'll get this._

_Adam went on about the description and the previous employee experiences and rules finally stating the high amount of salary which made everyone's eyes pop out._

_"You all will be called in separately for the interview and if you get a phone call tomorrow, you're in. So let's get this going, shall we?"_

_One by one people were called in, taken about 10 mins each. Some of them had all smiley and beaming look on their faces while some knew that had fucked up. After about two hours of waiting they called Louis' name._

_"Louis Tomlinson." The nice looking lady called._

_He stood up, taking his files and fixing the crumbles on his shirt._

_"This way sir." She said, showing a way to Mr. Hobbs' office._

_Louis knocked twice when the man inside spoke._

_"Come in."_

_The insides of the office was really simple, blue decor, chairs, tables. Its was your average interview cabin._

_"Hello. I'm Louis Tomlinson." He bought his hand up to shake but the man in front of him was frozen._

_His eyes stuck on Louis and mouth left hanging open._

_That was the first time Adam saw Louis and fell for him at the first sight._

_"H-Hi. I'm Adam. Adam Hobbs." He took Louis' hand in his, carefully._

_"Yeah, you said earlier." Louis smiled coyly, why he did so, he doesn't know._

_"Oh yeah, I'm sorry. So you really want this job right?"_

_"Yes I do. Here are all of my certificates and details, I have given a copy of each to the lady outside but if you wanna have a look again then, here." He handled his file to Mr.Hobbs and waited for the response._

_It took him five minutes to look through it and come up with the answer._

_"You're in." He said, closing the file and giving it back._

_Louis was flabbergasted for a second._

_"What?" He tried to contain his smiles._

_"I said you're in. You have the job Louis Tomlinson." Mr.Hobbs smiled at him._

_"Oh oh thank you Mr.Hobbs, I mean-but are you sure- I-"_

_"Oh I'm absolutely sure, you're just what I need- I mean we need."_

_"Yeah? Umm Okay. I'm still thankful though."_

_"The pleasure is all ours. Samantha, the lady outside, will give you your details and show you around, if you still have any doubts come straight to me. Yeah?"_

_"Of course Mr Hobbs."_

_"Oh no, call me Adam. But before you leave Louis- I can call you Louis right?"_

_"Yeah sure."_

_"I want you to know the two very important rules we have."_

_Louis nodded in the indication that he was paying attention._

_"One, Commitment is very important to keep our work important the way it is, thriving. Hence you have to sign a contract which will be a proof of your commitment to this company."_

_"And second?"_

_"You are suppose to be single."_

"I didn't know what I got myself into. I took off my ring and hid it in my bag for the rest of the time. He didn't know that I was married and that's why he made a move on me. It was the only job you approved of and was paying me very well. If I hadn't accepted the offer Harry, we would have had to lose our home." 

Harry didn't know what he was supposed to say. He never knew that Louis had found out about their situation. Yes he was stubborn about it back then but only if Louis would have talked to him.

"Y-You knew about the house situation?" He asked with hesitation.

"Of course I knew. I got an email from our bank that they were going to cease our house if we didn't pay them within a month. You didn't bother telling me that but I always knew."

"So what, just because you said that you're single doesn't excuse you for-"

"I know."

_"Adam no wait!!" Louis laughed and ran after his boss trying to snatch the papers back._

_"Nope! First you have to agree for the dinner then you may continue with whatever that is you are doing." He had been persuading Louis for so long l, god it was tiring for him to reject him every time._

_"You know everybody tells me that you're quite a strict boss but then you don't even let me do my work properly. I think you're just being biased with me."_ _Louis smiled._

_"I guess I am."_

_"Am I so special then?" Louis joked._

_"You are." Adam said, seriously._

"We had dinner a couple of times and he-he was a little touchy each time."

He saw Harry's hand turn into a fist and jaw clench at his words.

"I didn't want to be there anymore, after I was aware of Adams intentions but then I saw how you were starting to relax day by day, your stress was lessened and the smile that was lost, was back on your face. We were again starting to be happy and stable with our life. I swear Harry I-I never want anything like that to happen. ,If I had known I-" Louis swallowed hard, he wanted to cry but he needed to say this first. "I thought if I just kept rejecting him he would lose his interest in me. I didn't ever give him a sign that I was into him but he just wouldn't back down. That day was unexpected, I was just working over time when he decided to approach me and offered me a drink. We sat in his office and talk, had a couple of drinks and before I knew it, I felt really dizzy and drunk, couldn't even see his face properly. He just held me and told me he loved me a bunch of times but I didn't have the strength to push him away. I-I thought it was you at first but then he......he kissed me." Louis felt shameful to even say it out loud. "I don't know when I kissed him back but when I went back to my senses you were there, in that room, by the doorway looking at us and I just snapped then. I swear to God Harry I-I didn't let anything happen between us. I pushed him away. I promise we didn't do anything."

Harry scoffed at that. "I know my eyes don't lie Louis. I know what was going on that night. I know how you kiss when you want to and when you don't. And that night what I saw? You wanted it. You begged for it."

"I was drunk Harry!!"

"That doesn't mean you go fuck someone else!!!" Harry growled and moved forward, now face just inches away from Louis.

Its was like home. 

Harry's warm breath, his body heat, expectation of his touch. Louis leaned.

"I loved you so much." Harry whispered. 

Five words broke Louis again.

Loved.

A whimper escapes his lips and he brought his hands up hesitantly to Harry's shoulders, giving himself some ground.

"L-Loved?" He asked timidly, tears now blurring his vision but cleared as soon as they fell down.

"You can't expect me to love you after all that." Harry kept his voice low.

"Ha-Harry it's been so long, too long I-" He brought his hands up to his neck, almost bringing their foreheads together and his eyes feel shut at such a familiar feeling. "I love you Haz." His voice broke finally. He shifted closer, almost in his lap, closing the space between them as much as he could, it was like breathing again after being held by the throat for so long.

Harry wasn't touching him though. His hands on his own thighs and head bowed down as if he was calming himself.

"Let go." Was what he whispered. "Let go off me Louis." He repeated when Louis didn't obey immediately.

"No N-No Hazza please..."

"Don't call me that!!" 

"I told you what you wanted to hear Harry what more do you want from me?!! There it is, all the truth. What I did was for us, took this job for us, had to live under the guilt for us, I was pissed drunk that night, he confessed his love for me but I never said it back because I loved you. I love you so much Harry and you never saw that!!" 

"What I did see was him on you, in this fucking room, kissing like we do and watching our love mean nothing to you."

"Shut up!! Shut up shut up shut up!! Just don't utter another single word!!" Louis screamed, losing his all control. Harry did keep quite taken back from this sudden outburst. "This room, that night, took you away from me too Harry. Till this day I cry every night just because I couldn't make you stay, I-I wasn't enough that time because I was tarnished for you. I had slept with someone else in your eyes, I wasn't yours. You forgot all those years I was faithful and- and honest and that I loved you with my entire heart, that there was nothing left for me to say. I was sh-shattered that you would even think I will let him have me like that. Yes I kissed him but all my mind was telling me that it was you and heart beating with the fear of what I was doing. I begged you to stay, was on my knees, holding on to you when you said that I wasn't worth it. You might just have killed me Harry. But right now, I know that I-I can be enough, yeah? I'll try?! I'll do whatever you want me to, I'll listen to whatever you say, I'll-I'll even drink those green smoothies you use to make me, remember? But please-please come back to me. I'll quit this fucking job if you want me to Harry, I'll be one of those house wives again who-who do all the chores and then-then cook nice meals and wait for my husband to come home so we can have dinner together. Like before. I'll be good, yeah? I'll be whatever you want me to be but please I just- I can't take anymore of this Harry. I can't live without you any more. Can't breath sometimes because I have these-these attacks and you're not there to brush your fingers through my hair, or count my breaths with me. It was hard, at first. But now I've learnt. See? One two three I can-can-" 

Louis didn't know what he was talking about anymore, his hands were shaky, breaths now not reaching his lungs and vision going blurry but he didn't care. He had to prove Harry that he was never unfaithful and never stopped loving him even for a second. 

He saw Harry's eyes going from hard to soft and then worried. And then there were two hands on his waist. 

It felt so familiar, like he was never deprived of them.

"Calm down." Harry whispered bringing Louis closer. "Shhhhh"

His warm breath so close to Louis' ear but he needed more. He was trembling in Harry's arms unable to contain his sobs.

"C-Can't Harry." 

"Do it for me, yeah? Stay calm for me." 

"For you?"

"Yes baby, for me."

Louis purred at the term of endearment and rested his forehead against Harry's shoulder.

"Anything for you Harry." Louis said, his voice turning softer and head getting lighter. His arms coming to rest on Harry's shoulder and hold on to. He felt Louis go limp in his arms and he knew that he was asleep.

He placed Louis back in bed and got two steps away so he could compose himself. It was all too much for him to take in, all the truth and secrets, all cards placed on the table and now he gets to decide what happens to them after this. 

Harry was not the man he was four years ago. He didn't love Louis anymore. This company had taken away so much from him. Adam had taken away the love of his life. Louis had taken away his happiness from him, he had betrayed him. 

Right?

All these years he worked his arse off to get in the position where no man, no power can take away anything from him. Yet here he was questioning if he even had anything worth being taken? All his money meant nothing when the only person he ever loved was lost. 

He stared at Louis' peaceful face as the other slept soundly. The tear stains on his cheeks and the blotches clear to his eyes, Harry was the reason behind them. His petal soft lips parted to exhale his breath showing how calm he felt. Louis was still a vision. A gorgeous vision which Harry had never been able to forget. This man right here made Harry who he was and broke him with the same passion. 

God! Harry was such a fuck up. A fucking asshole who destroyed their marriage and made the single most important person in his life suffer. Harry didn't deserve this. Didn't deserve the love Louis still offered, the wait, the affection and the trust that he still had on Harry. 

He let a misunderstanding break his trust and put Louis through all that. 

He was a monster.

A ugly person who didn't care about anyone else but himself, his trust, his dignity, his job. He forgot that there was Louis in this too. With him, right by his side. 

He released his breath when he realised he was crying. Tears coming out without his permission. But he could care less- God awful things he said to Louis that night! He could never forget.

_He slammed the door shut so loudly, the hinges might just come out. He didn't give a single fuck about anything else that moment. His eyes burned with rage and anger. All he could see was those two making love on that bed. His Louis loving another man, a man who had a job, who had money, who didn't have to work at a fucking hardware shop to be employed. Louis loved a better man and that just wasn't Harry._

_He growled loudly and smashed everything that his eyes caught. He- god he wanted to kill that guy . Kill that fucking son of a bitch and dump his body in the garbage. Break those arms off his body which held Louis by the waist, tear his eyes out who saw Louis' bare skin. His thoughts were turning vile and he wanted to bring them to life._

_"H-Harry?" Came a sweet loving voice from behind him. He swears Louis could have fooled him with how much real it sounded, if Harry didn't know better._

_"Finished quick, didn't he?" Harry said without turning back. He heard footsteps coming closer and a light brush of fingertips on his shoulder._

_"What you saw Harry was-was..."_

_"Was what you do when you work. Right? How many times have you done it with him already, huh?" Harry said darkly finally facing Louis._

_Till this day, the man seems to take Harry's breath away. And that made his blood boil._

_"You, are a fucking slut!!" He spat and took a step behind making space between them. He didn't want Louis touching him anywhere. He was dirty. He was unfaithful dirty bitch._

_He saw Louis' eyes go wide and the hurt that was as visible as the sky. The tears that were dried in his eyes now wet again and began falling._

_"W-What? No Harry No I didn't-"_

_"Don't bother Lou. I saw what I had to see and I just need you to know how disgusting and fucked up you are to do something like that. I wanna go and fucking kill that bastard but then again, you wanted it didn't you? How much more did you fuck around? Huh? All the men at work? Our friends? This building? What kind of a slut could you be huh?! Didn't I fuck you enough that you had to go and whore around!!??" Harry's voice roared in their house and everything went dead silent. Louis had no words to say. He couldn't believe Harry could say that. He stumbled back trying to hold onto something._

_"How-How can you even say that? After all this time, our marriage Harry, how can you even-"_

_"I can fucking ask you the same Louis. After all this time why was falling into the arms of someone else your choice? Why Louis?!"_

_"I-I was drunk."_

_A dark chuckle left Harry's lips and Louis never wanted to hear it again._

_"As I said before, a fucking slut."_

Harry can never forgive himself for those words. Never.


	7. Chapter 7

When Louis woke up he still was in the same bed but Harry was missing. 

He couldn't believe he was capable of feeling so much pain again. 

The pain of rejection.

He closed his eyes again and tried to compose himself. How was this Louis' life? He was so so tired. Of everything. 

Louis was never the one who lived without love. His mother always showered him with her love and nurtured him throughout her life. Harry was always there for him after his mother passing away. Holding his hand and running his fingers through his hair calming him down. Harry's love was the most precious thing he had ever earned and he had never wanted to live without it. 

He was tired of living like this.

He went home feeling dejected and lost. What was he supposed to do Now? He had poured all his self to Harry and he had been rejected in return. Louis knew this would happen. His truth was not enough to be forgiven, he was not enough for Harry now. Harry who was now so successful and was on the peak of his life, why would he go back to a place where he was heartbroken. Why would he come back to Louis who had given him nothing but betrayal and affliction?

_ You're not worth it. _

Those were the true words for him and now he knew why. 

He ate something quickly and headed to bed not wanting to deal with his thoughts anymore, they sucked the life out of him. 

He stared at the ceiling above his head and prayed that his mum forgives him for what he has done and begged to god one last time that Harry does too. 

___________

He got to office with a heavy heart next morning. Only god knows how much struggle he had to do, to just get out of his bed and drag himself all the way just to be given cold glares by his colleagues, shit ton of work piled up and no sign of his Boss.

"All okay Lou?" He heard Liam's voice from the door, he sounded quite hesitant to talk to Louis as he knew what he looked like, face pale and eyes barely open. Liam had all the right to be concerned.

Louis was standing by the window, he looked at Liam, faking his expression to an amusing one.

"Why'd you ask that Liam?" He asked. 

"Do you even have to ask that? I mean, look at you mate! You look horrible!!" 

"Well I'm flattered by those compliments to be honest." Louis said, sarcastically and rolled his eyes.

"I'm being serious here Louis. I know you haven't been eating or sleeping well. You constantly look so tired, hardly ever smiling and then yesterday you ran home crying from Harry's office- don't even try denying it- I saw both of you when I was by the reception. First he comes out on the verge of tears and speeds home and then half an hour later you come out crying and hurrying to your car. What happened between you two? You've been acting so uncanny around each other, it's worrying me a lot now!" 

Louis knows that he shouldn't pay attention to what Liam is saying because he can only hear that Harry was crying too. Harry left with tears in his eyes that had to mean something right? Something Louis said had got to him and maybe just maybe he understood? Could He? 

Anticipation filled his body and now he wanted to know more. But then he looked at Liam and he knew that answers were expected from him. He was fed up of being confronted by everyone and fucking answering them.

"I don't know what you want me to say Liam?! No, nothing is okay but I want to deal with my problems without chattering about it. I know you're concerned but just-stop it. Stop interfering in my life all the damn time!!" There was such frustration in his voice, he didn't even know if he really had it before. The look on Liam's face told Louis that he was hurt and Louis felt the guilt wash over him all over again. " I-I didn't mean it Liam. I'm just really frustrated right now, a lot-a lot has been going on and I'd rather you not burden yourself with my-......issues." Louis looked down at his lap feeling empty.

"Its okay Lou. I understand. I was just-" Liam rushed forward and enveloped Louis into a tight hug. "I'm just worried for you. You are the closest person I have to call a family and I don't want you to be this sad." 

Louis hugged him back with the same emotion and sighed.

"I know Li. I'm just feeling low, nothing else. It'll all be alright. I promise."

Liar.

Louis was a liar because nothing was going to be alright. And Louis, for the first time ever, was scared for himself.

"I'll count on you for it." Liam laughed a little and released him from his bear hug.

"That you do. Now scoot your gorgeous arse back to your office and get to work. I have stuff to do." 

"Whatever Lou. I'll see you later. Yeah?"

"Yes darling, now go!!"

They both laughed but not for too long when they saw Harry looking at them.

Their humour died in their throat and awkward silence filled Louis' office.

Liam cleared his throat, taking off after blurring out a soft greeting to Harry, to which he got a plain nod in response as Harry's eyes were fixed on Louis.

"You sure have such good companions in this office, don't you Louis?" Said Harry. The mockery sensible in this voice.

God please no!

"I don't know what you are talking about." He decided to play dumb. He did not have anything left in him to fight back.

"You and Mr. Payne over there. Such close friends you've made. Very useful." 

Why can't one day-just one day in Louis' life go back to normal.

"I can't believe you just said that." Nope, he really couldn't.

"I don't care about what you believe and what you don't. This office has it's rules and I'd rather you follow them and not fuck around anymore. Understood?"

Louis stood there, stunned. All the emotions getting to his brain at the same time not really able to comprehend which one to focus on but anger being the prominent one came first.

He jolted towards Harry and the next thing he knew there was a sharp loud sound echoing through his office.

He had slapped Harry.

"Fuck you Harry. Fuck. You." Louis was boiling with rage. He held Harry's sharp collar in his hands and brought him closer harshly. "Would you shut your mouth for a fucking second and think what you are talking about? Have you ever, ever thought that maybe this time you should just keep your distance from me-" 

"Don't you think I fucking tried that? Staying away from you? Every Time I did, it felt like a stab to my chest. I can't be without you and somehow I have to deal with it!!" Harry snarled.

"You have managed all these years, haven't you? While you left me there and you lived your life in peace. Without a clingy wife on your shoulders." At this point Louis just wanted to hurt Harry in some way. More and more.

"That's what you think? I had my peace? Were you the one who got cheated on Louis? Were you the one who had to give his blood, sweat and tears to be where he is now? Where you the one who let the love of his life go? No you weren't. So shut the fuck up and quit assuming things just because you feel guilty."

Harry's words made Louis tremble. How can the man be so so evil towards him? He knew how to hurt Louis with his words and he did an exceptional job at it.

"You are evil Harry Styles. Absolutely hurtful and evil. And here I was, keeping the slightest hope in my heart that maybe he would see me in a new light. Maybe he'd let me breath a little, maybe he'd care a little? But here you are stomping all over what's left of my heart as if you don't even care." His eyes began to water. He brought his fist to wipe his tears and bowed his head, digging his chin into his chest. "So cruel to me now. Weren't like this before so I thought I could-I could see a little bit of my Harry but you still are someone else." Louis didn't know how he gravitated towards Harry but when he looked up he was already blinking up to meet Harry's eyes.

"Your Harry cried in the corner of a room thinking that his life had no meaning now that you aren't in it. This Harry doesn't give a fuck." Harry said. Looking completely unbothered. But Louis knew him better, the way his jaw was clenched tight, he knew Harry was affected by all of this.

"You sure know how to hurt me, huh? You must think your words are daggers in my heart but you can't hurt something that doesn't exist. Can't break something that's already broken Harry. Look into my eyes and tell me what you see. Is there anything left? I need you to tell me because I can't. I can't see anything for me."

Their eyes met slowly, both were searching for something in each other. But the deeper they went the closer they came and in an instant their lips brushed against each other. Harry closed the remaining space in between them and-

And oh god. Oh god. 

Louis didn't even need a second to kiss him back with just as haste and need. It's been so long so so long. He could cry with how much he has missed this. He quickly ran his fingers through Harry's Hair, gripping them tightly between his fingers with a chanting in his head of Harry Harry Harry. 

Harry's hands found his body with just as ease as all those years ago, bringing him closer and closer. They were tightly pressed up against each other, tongues battling to feed their need. It was the longing for each other that made them so reckless yet if they separated now it would hurt them in ways unspoken. 

Louis was the happiest he had been in a while and he never wanted to let it go. But Harry had other plans. 

As abruptly as they kissed, it all went away too. 

"What the fuck!!" Harry hissed, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. "What the hell are you even thinking?" He pushed Louis away.

"W-What?" A look of extreme confusion and fear took over Louis' face. Something told him that the next words leaving Harry's mouth will stab his wounds even more.

"You go on kissing people like that or What? Even after all this time you won't stop being a whore would you? Just climb up in their laps to climb up the stairs of success. Still the same pathetic money grabbing-" Harry knew he had reached his limit when he saw the look on Louis' face. There was a plea in Louis' eyes, a plea to stop.

Harry knew what he had done then. He had officially made Louis resent him forever and he knew he deserved it.

"Why?" He whispered to Harry, eyes pooled with tears which now a days were his companions. Not breaking down in the moment itself. 

"W-What do you mean 'why'?" 

"Why would you go on and ruin the only moment I've felt alive in four years? Why would you constantly stab me with those cruel words Harry? Why do you want to hurt me so much? I-I understand you hate me but-but I won't wish this-what you are doing to me- on my worst enemy!!" Louis cried. He made a space between them to clear his head. 

Even if breaking inside Harry put his fakest smirk on his face and asked smugly.

"So what do you hate me now?" He asked.

Please say yes. Say you hate me. Tell me how much I have fucked up. Tell me so I can hate myself just as much.

Louis smiled sadly looking into Harry's eyes with all the love he could gather. All that was left. "I wish I could Harry." 

Before the first tear could leave Harry's eyes he quickly left the room and locked himself in the washroom. He rested his hands on the sink looking at the image in the mirror, his breath was heavy and unsteady. 

He looked in his eyes and saw a monstrous being. He was a horrible human being, a pathetic excuse of a husband and a hurtful and foolish lover. He hated himself more than anything in the entire world. 

"You!" He pointed at himself in the mirror. "You took Louis away from me. You were a jealous possessive bastard who was prideful and pathetic. Not Louis. Never Louis. My Louis didn't deserve anything you have done to him. He is like this because of You!" He yelled and punched the mirror. The loud sound echoed through the tiles of the bathroom. "He suffered because of you!!" Another smash. "He broke because of You!!" He kept on smashing until his knuckles were torn and broken. He didn't care though because he had given someone more pain than he can ever feel. He brought his bloody hand up to the remaining last piece of the mirror showing his eye and plucked it out. "I will make you hate me Louis. That's the last promise I am giving to you. You will hate me from the bottom of your heart and that'll be how we end. I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY KISSED!!!   
> I know I KNOW I'm Fucking late and it's a short chapter!!! But I recently got an internship and it's keeping me so busyyyyyy. Longer chapters will be coming soon and I promise I'll keep my Updates veryyy frequent !!!!!


	8. Chapter 8

Louis wanted to follow Harry. 

The second he turned his back, Louis wanted to bring him back. 

Pathetic you could say but Louis didn't care if he came off as such. He was never ashamed of loving Harry the way he did. Pure and wholeheartedly.

Thinking against his heart he wiped his face and went back to his work. He had a hectic day ahead and he didn't want a bad start with his boss wreak his rest of the routine. 

The stress was unbearable when files after files stacked up his desk and he had to go through every single one of it. His higher position brought way more workload than he had anticipated. Sure Harry gave him this position with the intention of putting him through this but it was getting out of hand these days. He wasn't used to it but he knew He wasn't going to back down just yet. Maybe he could try harder!! 

It was about in the evening when his door opened and a long legged and older woman stepped into his office. 

"Louis Tomlinson, may I come in?" She spoke. Very authoritatively. 

He was caught off guard though. Why wasn't anyone outside? What work did she have with them?

"Uhh yes. Please have a seat." He said politely. "How may I help You?" 

"No one was at the front desk hence you weren't informed before but I had an appointment with Mr.Styles." 

"I have not been told by anyone about this I'm sorry. I cannot allow you inside."

"Oh but Mr.Styles called me this afternoon. It's regarding the brand ambassador of this company. He gave a call to my agency to come with various portfolios so here I am." He facial expression was cunning and strange. Something Louis didn't like at all about her. She was one strange lady. 

"Umm okay. But he is not here at the moment but he'll be back shortly. You are welcome to lounge in his office in the meantime." He said with a welcoming smile even though her aura was full of negativity. He just had to break this for another 45 minutes and he'd be out of this office. 

"I would if I had the time. Just give him this file and tell him to contact me when he chooses who he wants." She kept the file on his desk and turned to leave.

"Excuse me ma'am, I didn't catch your name?" He asked as politely as he could 

"Agatha Reiss. Mrs Reiss for you." And with that she was out of his office. 

That was intimidating. 

He rolled his head back and groaned when he realized now he has to wait for Harry to come back in order to give him this file. He didn't want to face Harry again for the day because he didn't know how to act now. Was he supposed to ignore what happened between them? Or would Harry give him a constant reminder of how foolish Louis was? He didn't want to know.

He waited for about an hour and a half when he heard the sound of boots tapping on the floor. He stood up quickly hurrying towards Harry's office. He was utterly exhausted and annoyed due to staying over time and didn't feel like dealing with the man but work had to be done.

He knocked the door twice.

"Come in?" Came Harry's voice. 

He entered hesitantly.

"Some woman named Mrs Reiss from the modeling agency I guess. She's asked your decision regarding brand ambassador for our company. She left this file. Please take a look." He said monotonously. His voice didn't give out a single hint of his trembling heart. 

The man sitting in front of him had a bandage on his knuckles and a disheveled look on his face. His blazer was lying on the sofa and shirt unbutton, hair as if he had run his fingers through it constantly, he was all over the place.

Upon looking up Harry's demeanor changed a little and he sat up straight, his mask on as he kept a straight face with his eyes directly piercing Louis'. 

"Yeah okay. I asked the marketing department to put up some new ideas for more promotional launch and they suggested to hire a model to be the face of our company or something. I quite liked the idea, so that's why she was here. The shortlisted models are in there."

Louis nodded at his words, awkward silence then surrounding them. He stood in the doorway waiting for Harry to dismiss him so he can finally head home and lay down. Too much stress today.

"Would you um-Would you like to help me finalize this?" Harry asked hesitantly. 

Should Louis deny? All he can think of right now is his warm bed and an embrace of his duvet but then it was Harry asking him and that's where his priorities hold him back.

"Umm sure." 

He walked towards the desk in front of Harry and sat on the opposite chair placing the file in Harry's hands.

He didn't know why Harry asked him to stay and help when he was well capable himself to make decisions, Harry's intentions were never clear and that's what always sent Louis into doubt.

Harry turned the pages in the file as he registered the portfolios properly. Louis sat there, hands in his lap and eyes darted towards Harry. Looking at his face concentrated towards the file in hands.

"What do you think about her?" Harry asked suddenly. Showing a picture of a beautiful young lady in a red bikini posing seductively. "She is a fresh face and seems bold enough for our company's face. She's hot too, I mean look at her. What do you say?" 

"Umm whatever floats your boat Mr Styles." 

"Louis I asked for your help and you are not helping me here. Give the input Louis, tell me what you think about her." Harry ordered.

"I-I think she is beautiful. May be a little too young I guess. We could check others too and then see if we want to come back?"

"Makes sense." 

It quite surprised Louis that Harry would agree with him or would even ask for Louis' opinion in the first place. 

They went through a bunch of portfolios and resumes, flipping through and giving opinions to each other. And honestly it was the most civil they have been with one another. The most time Louis has spent with Harry without shedding tears and it feels like some accomplishment. 

Maybe just maybe he could bring his Harry back. He can love Harry enough for both of them. Just maybe.

Harry turned to the last photo in the file and Louis saw his eyes turn dark.

"Who-Who is this?" Harry asked Looking at the male model, shirtless sitting on a stool in tight leather pants.

"The name is right there." Louis pointed out, slightly taken aback at Harry's response.

"Zayn Malik." Harry slowly read out. His voice gone deep and eyes reflecting arousal for the model in front of his eyes. 

He was so gorgeous good dammit, Zayn Malik. Harry couldn't stop staring at the photo in front of him, he touched it with his thumb, enticing he was. Harry wanted him.

"I want him." He declared. 

Louis felt as though he was pushed from the top of a building.

"I want him to be the face of this company. Fuck, God surely took his time to make a beauty like him. Call Agatha Louis, tell her he is the one. I want him in my office tomorrow. Got it?" 

Louis put up a brave smile on his face and nodded.

"Well then get going. You have a lot of work tomorrow. Diana will give you your schedule tomorrow, make sure you complete it. We're kind of lagging behind anyway." 

Who's fault is that!! Louis wanted to say but he pushed the urge down and gave him a small goodbye before heading out of the office. He needed to get out quickly.

God was punishing him in his most crucial ways and Louis just wasn't ready for it. He wasn't ready for Harry looking at someone with those eyes the same he use to look at Louis. He wasn't used to Harry calling someone else beautiful the same way he did to Louis. Louis wasn't ready to see Harry being someone else's. He had seen Harry go on a bunch of dates but it was never anything serious. This was so strange for him, he felt like throwing up.

He looked at the sky that night, from his balcony he felt so far from everything. His mum, his sister's, Harry. Everyone was so far from him. It was the night he begged god to forgive him for all the sins he had committed and end his misery. Let him be a little Happy. 

Louis just wanted to be loved back. That's all.


	9. Chapter 9

Liam was never really a stressed man. He always had everything planned out and went according to it without giving second thoughts or never did he doubts himself over silly things. As a teenager he was that guy in the school who was invisible. Nobody saw him and nobody cared, except a few. He matured quickly and hence was always hyper aware of his surroundings.

Seeing Louis become so stressed and ill headed had him a bit worried for his friend. It had been ages ago when Liam saw Louis like this. When Harry left him, Louis was lost, Liam believes that he still is in some ways but he had finally gotten better at coping with everything going on with his life. Liam didn't know how Louis was with Harry on the actual level, all he heard was stories and drunken Louis babbling about his Harry. That's all he knew. If he knew he'd understand how much of a hell it was for Louis but the agony of heartbreak was not a stranger to Liam. He has been through it too but it was years ago. He has gotten over it yeah? It's not a big deal anymore. 

He calls Louis everyday to check on him, he doesn't pick up sometimes but at least Liam knows he is alive and breathing. 

It isn't in his nature to get stressed but when he hears a certain name roaming around in the office, it doesn't settle well with him. He has had sweat forming on his forehead even when the A/C is on full blast, palms sweaty and brain not ready to register why this person's name is on everyone's lips.

He calls Louis. Louis can tell him what this fuss is about.

Of course the fucker doesn't pick up. He calls again. And again. And again.

"Mr Payne?" Comes the voice from his door and he jumps in his chair. He looks up at Jackson, his tech assistant and tells him to come in.

"You are a little jumpy today. Something wrong?" He asks curiously.

"Oh No no no, nothing wrong. It's alright just, Tomlinson is not picking up his phone so I'm kinda frustrated, s'all." He said and keeps his phone down. "You came here for something?" 

"Oh yeah, Mr Styles has asked for you, Gwen, Mrs Kent, Abhishek sir and Roma Ma'am. He says it important?" He says.

God what is that devil up to now.

"Right now?" He asks. 

"Yes, right this second if you will, his words not mine." 

Ugh What could it be?

"Okay then." 

The company had changed a lot of their policies since Harry's take over. Some people left with the old ones and new ones joined. It's was a little messed up in the beginning, may be a couple of weeks, with their trusted staff leaving due to their loyalty towards the fired members, Styles received quite the backlash for it but when he tagged along with his team of staff with him, everybody loved them. They were way more hardworking for anyone to complain anyway. Within a few months the whole structure of their company was changed and he could see their future to stay bright under Styles' wing. The only good thing he did since his arrival. He was Moody and arrogant as fuck, sometimes impulsive too but all in all he was a good upgrade for their company and so who was he to complain. 

He met Gwen on his way upstairs who was holding two cups of coffee.

"Who is that for?" It was Chestnut Praline Latte. He has brought enough of those to know what it was by the smell. He knows exactly who drinks those. With what he has been hearing from the people in the office and with this now, the question was, why was he here?

"No idea, usually Mr Styles goes for black coffee or like green tea or some shit so this is probably not for him. Maybe his guest, I heard he has some campaign ideas he wants to discuss with us, so it could be someone on the team." She said, and yeah could be. He could play it cool before he could face everything he had programmed himself to ignore for the last 6 and a half years. It's not a big deal, he knows, it's been so long maybe he has forgotten Liam. May be he has forgotten what they were and how they ended. Liam was never good at forgetting but he was. They could just pretend when they'd come face to face. He could be cool with it. Yeah.

He couldn't be more wrong.

They all gathered in front of Harry's conference room greeting and curiously glancing at each other. They entered inside only to face a very sleep deprived Louis standing with his hands in front and clasped together. He looked up and flinched a little before murmuring a quite good morning. Liam gave him a sad nod, his stomach churned with sadness upon looking at his best mate's state. He only ever wanted to see Louis Happy, maybe even the smallest bit. And for it to last a little longer. 

"Mr Styles will be here in a minute, please take a seat." He spoke weakly, and probably everyone in the room could sense how off he sounded but did their best to not mention it. 

A sudden noise of doors opening loudly had them look surprisingly at their Boss who stood tall and almost shining. He looked exact opposite of how Louis looked. It somehow ignite a spark of rage inside Liam's chest. This man was killing every bit of life from his friend and he couldn't do anything. Just sit here and pay attention like Harry's loyal employee as he is supposed to be.

"Good morning you wonderful people. I know it seems very odd to have you all gathered up here on such a short notice. But well, work is work. Anyway, I had some of you informed about this new campaign that we were planning on setting up. We recently looked up some records and realised how less of a promotion we do for our company. No charity funding, no exposure, not even international engagement and that's just not acceptable. So the marketing team came up with this idea to hire a brand ambassador for now, to be the face of company and represent us. Like be the media personality and give us a different angle of exposure, which right now is very essential. I know I haven't been in here for quite a few days due to some personal matters but I promise not to slack off now. I am very positive about this and hence I have found a potential candidate for this." Mr Styles said with a proud smile taking over face, shoulders up straight. Liam began to understand what was the meaning of this quickly, he new what was about to come, or who was about to come. And this can't be happening Right? This shouldn't be happening to him, he has been so good at pretending that he doesn't exist anymore but now that he is sitting here, he feels pretty stupid. 

"I want you all to welcome Mr Zayn Malik."

In all his glory, like a shining star Zayn entered the room with the same gorgeous smile on his face. A little nervous he seemed but his head still held high and eyes roaming over every single person present there, and then they landed on Liam. 

He could see Zayn freeze in his place, turning a shade paler but recovering in an instant, he was good at pretending after all.  
Liam's neck burned with a feeling he had learned to suppress since the moment they separated. 

"I have gone through with the contract, so has he. I just wanted you all, the department heads, to know what's gonna happen. Communication, as you call it. We are going to be starting with a new Vision for this company and I want you all to work in the same direction. If anyone has any sort of doubts, Louis will help you all out with it." 

They discussed some more stuff, all sitting at the same table. The tension he felt like he could cut through it, it was that thick. He kept silent throughout the meeting, glancing occasionally at Zayn. He tried his best not to stare too much but old habits took him by a wave. He had seen him after so long. 

God he looked so beautiful. His hair longer, he was more tan now, new tattoos on his body that Liam knew nothing about now. He looked different, he was a stranger. While Liam sat here, looking just the same, just like when Zayn had left him. 

Louis noticed the change and sudden quietness in Liam's demeanor. The ever so doubtful and chatty man suddenly had no questions to ask was what made Louis the slightest bit suspicious. 

After everything was clear everyone got up to leave was when something happened that made Liam's jaw clench and eyes hard. Harry's hand landed on Zayn's lower back as he moved closer to him whispering something in his ear making Zayn blush and nod after with a shy smile. 

That motherfu-

He wanted to do something. He wanted to punch Harry, wanted to break his perfect teeth and wipe the smug smile off his face. He and Louis were the only people in the room left. It was dead silent for a minute, the two of them taking in what they just saw.

Oh God it was so unfair. 

Everything was unfair, from this job, his love, to everything. Liam knew he couldn't get over things easily but he was sure his past relationship was something he was over but standing there dumbfounded, seeing the only person he ever loved in the arms of another man send waves of rage through his veins. He was a very non violent and calm person except during times like these, he was always possessive and jealous when it came to Zayn. And who wouldn't be, just look at him, he was gorgeous. Liam had lucked out with Zayn and now it had all ran out. 

He glanced at Louis who standing with files pressed up against his chest tightly and eyes clenched shut. He was holding back too many emotions just like Liam. 

"You up for a drink?" Liam asked breaking the deafening silence. 

He saw Louis flutter his eyes open and take a deep breath. His lips curved into a small smile. "Definitely." He sighed.

________

It was late and Louis was drunk off his ass. So was Liam actually. A couple of drinks became mugs and jars and bottles. They were a mess, both of them. Though neither of them cried they realized what the other was feeling, they talked about absolute rubbish to abrupt deep topics, they laughed like crazy and then went silent in a moment. Yeah they were really really drunk. 

"L-Li do you think that maybeeeee if I wasn't such a slut Harry would still love me? I mean if ughh if I wasn't such a cheating bastard I would still be with Harry right? We would have been together and so so Happy. I'm not Happy Leeeyummmm. I'm sad- so sad." Louis spoke, his voice slurred. He rested his head in Liam's shoulder and poked his chest with his finger.

"You're not slut Lou. You're good, he is bad- No! He is a fucking asshole who-who can't keep his hands to himself. He is-He is a fucking bastard- touching him like he owns him, how fucking dare he!!" Liam exclaimed. 

And what the fuck was he even talking about, Louis thought. They were too drunk for this dammit!!

"Let's go Li. I just wanna sleep. And not wake up maybe goshh I'm exhausted!!"

"Yeah me too. Do you mind if I crash at your place? My house is too far and I honestly can't drive like this." He grumbled.

"Sure, let's go." 

___________

It was 4:39 am when the landline rang. Louis was sound asleep and Liam was in the guest room very much awake, the sun was not up yet, sky still unlit but somehow it was the perfect time to look through the window and see the darkness behind the translucent clouds . He could hear the birds chirping somewhere distant but it still very silent on the cold of early morning. The phone rang sharply, cutting the peaceful silence his ears had got used to. He did not want Louis to wake up from his sleep, the poor lad had sunken eyes, and dark circles adoring them already. He needed some sleep. 

He quickly ran towards the living room and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" He said, his voice was a little raspy.

There was silence on the other line, if not for the breathing sound he would have ended the call.

"Hello?" He asked again. 

"You are not Louis." Came the strangers Voice.

"Of course I'm not Louis. Who are you anyway? And why are you calling this hour?" He said. God who was this creep? Liam was already annoyed and now this.

"Where is Louis?" The guy asked and oh the audacity.

"Listen mate whoever you are. Don't call back if you don't want me calling the cops you get that? Louis is asleep in the bed-"

"Did he sleep with you?" Came a grim voice.

"It's none of your fucking business you creep!!" And with that Liam disconnected the call.

God this world was filled with fuckers like these who won't let people live peacefully in their own fucking homes. 

Fuck it. 

He was very much sober now, and a light headache was making its way to him. He should just go home and sleep there. Louis' guest bed was soft but it just didn't help sleep much. And right now a sleep in a familiar bed was his need.

He quickly wrote a small note to Louis so he wouldn't have to worry about him and headed home. 

In his own bed, which held too many memories of his past, sleep came a lot easily.


	10. Chapter 10

Harry was late to office. It was the first thing Louis took a note of. Second that his hangover had left him a piercing headache which was still lingering on the back of his head. He had too many tasks on his planner that needed to be done and half of them needed Harry too. God knows where he was. 

Louis did not wish to see him really but work was before all his personal choices so there was that. 

Yesterday had left Louis' mind and heart to be a mess. It was unbearable for him to see Harry's hands on someone else but he has to take it all. He had to take a taste of his own medicine. Bear it all with a smile on his face.

"Louis, Mr Styles is here." Diana said peeking into his room. She was always the one to alert him when Harry was on his way upstairs.

"Oh Okay thank you." He said with a polite smile and picked all the files which needed Harry's attention and went into his office.

A few minutes passed as he heard clomping of boots coming closer. The door opened loudly and in came Harry looking angry as ever. 

He Stilled as soon as his eyes Land on Louis.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He asked harshly. 

Louis was taken aback by Harry's sudden outburst as his eyes went wide.

"I-I came here because-umm work? These needed your signatures and I wanted to talk about the new plan that you approved." He explained.

This somehow managed to Calm Harry down from whatever issues he was going through.

"Hmm okay take a seat." They sat on the couch instead of Harry's desk, it kind of bothered Louis.

Louis made as much space he could between them and kept the files down. 

"Talk." Harry demanded. 

God why was he so pissy today. Louis didn't even do anything. But that was the thing right? He didn't have to do anything for Harry to be pissed, he will be anyway. That's the way it was for Louis.

"I was going through the plan again yesterday and I found out that only Parson's, Page groups, and Harrison industries were included in the funding. I know I also included some small scale companies in there too. I don't understand why you would take them out, it was mentioned there clearly that we had seven of them to put money on. Why only choose those and change company policies?" Louis asked and he actually had not noticed this, thankfully Liam pointed it out yesterday as he was curious. 

"I didn't see the potential in the rest of them and those were the old policies made by the old team. I had them trashed and now it doesn't matter the number of companies we fund or take under us, it's the potential they have and based on the statistics reports I saw, I made the decision." 

"And you couldn't inform me about this?" Louis asked but he wished he could have just worded it better.

"Oh now are you the boss of me?" Harry seemed to have lost his calm again.

"No sorry, that wasn't what I was trying to say. Just discuss with me about these things, I don't wanna be clueless and unanswerable to the staff. They tell me about this-"

"Who told you about it?" Harry asked. 

"Liam. And he was just curious, nothing bad from his side I promise. He didn't even ask me this in office, just over the dinner. Please don't hold it against him?" Louis asked. He didn't want Harry to have any bad blood with Liam. It would be very unfair and Louis would never be able to forgive himself.

"So you were with him yesterday?" Harry asked, eyes hard and judgemental towards him. Louis hated that. 

"Umm y-yeah. Why do you ask?" 

"Did you two have fun?" 

What was he on about? Louis thought.

"What? I mean yeah we had fun? How is that relevant?" He asked, completely taken back.

Harry stood up harshly trying to compose himself. 

Trying.

"When you let him into our fucking house and let him sleep with you, it is bloody relevant!!" Harry's voice roared. Eyes absolutely livid. He bends down and brought his face so close to Louis'. "So I asked Louis did you two have fun? Huh? Did he fuck you good? You let him sleep in our bed, Eh? Was he better than Adam, better than me? Everyone is better than me, aren't they? You'll fuck anyone who isn't me, won't you baby?" 

A knife went deeper in his chest as the words were falling from Harry's mouth.

"What-What are you talking about Harry? God what even- I didn't sleep with Liam!!" He stood up from the chair, pushing Harry away and taking a step back. "Have you gone mad?" 

"Don't you dare lie to me!!"

"I'm not fucking lying!! Neither was I then nor now! As a matter of fact the only person I have ever slept with is you. So stop making these delusional assumptions for once!!" Louis exclaimed. 

"Liar Liar Liar Liar" Harry growled lowly and stepped towards Louis with every 'liar' he growled making the smaller Lad take his steps back until his back hit the wall. "You are a fucking liar."

"What-What do you want me to do Harry? Get naked in front of you to show you that no man has touched me since you? So you see that there is not a single trace of anyone else' touch other than yours? That the only one who I have let inside me is you? Do you want me to do that? I'll do it. Whatever you want, just stop accusing me of such things." Louis looked up in Harry's eyes, he poured as much truth as he could in his gaze. "When you say stuff like that you don't just smear my pride with dirt but also all over my heart. I can take it with you calling me anything but a whore Harry. 'Because I-I am not. I have never even thought about anyone-" He cut himself off with a deep breath, he was holding his tears back. He closed his eyes, looking down, letting Harry decide whether to believe him or not.

"Why did Liam pick up to phone today when I called?" Harry asked. He was a little calm.

"Huh?" Louis looked up confused.

"I called you today, early in the morning. But you didn't pick up. He did. He said he'd call the cops on me if I call back, said you were sleeping. Why was he in our house?" 

His questions were not accusing now, thankfully. 

"We drank a lot yesterday and he didn't want to drive so he just crashed at mine. He must be awake early so he picked up the phone." Louis said. Harry was still too close to him, he had crowded him, a hand above Louis' head. He didn't back off so Louis brought up a hand to Harry's chest to bring a barrier in between their chests and slowly pushed him back, Harry complied easily though his eyes didn't leave Louis'. 

Louis moved aside ready to leave Harry's office and calm his rabbiting heart but then he realized something Harry said and it didn't settle well with him.

"Harry?" He called but the taller man was looking at him already. "You asked, why I let him into our home? It isn't-" He took a deep breath again. "It isn't ours anymore, is it? You don't live there anymore, I'm still not used to it by the way. Feels kind of empty, I guess." He chuckles humorlessly. "If you want you can, you know, come by and-"

"Yeah no thanks. I'd pass on that." Harry said abruptly. He turned his back towards Louis and walked towards his desk. Louis tried not to show how hurt he felt by that.

"Umm can I ask why? I mean, it was your home too for such a long time, don't you miss it? I'm sure it misses you." He tried to joke a little but Harry didn't laugh. 

"Louis I would never go back to things that remind me of you. That house was home to me because you were there, you were my home. Until of course you-" Harry decide not to word his thoughts and Louis was grateful for that. "Nevermind, it means nothing to me anymore."

I mean nothing to you anymore, Louis' mind spoke. He didn't say it out loud. Why does he even try anymore.

"O-Okay. I'm sorry- sorry for taking your time. Go through the files? I'll collect them later, yeah?" His voice broke a little in the end. 

Don't cry in front of him, Louis thought.

"Yes of course." Harry said.

Louis was a step out of Harry's room when He was called back.

"Louis? Wait a minute." 

"Yes?" Louis asked, a kind smile plastered on his face.

"Make 9 o'clock reservations at some Restaurant please. Cozy ambiance preferably."

"For what may I ask?" Harry didn't have any meetings or get together planned so it puzzled Louis.

"I have a date."

"Oh" 

It was a foolish mistake to ask. 

"Okay sure." He covered for his unpleasant demeanor quickly and exited the office.

If he ignored this feeling enough it will go away. This feeling of being under the fire of smoke filling his lungs and him not being able to breathe. Or to be crushed under heavy weights. It was suffocating him to even exist, he felt like a burden to this world where only a few things helped him relax or better worded as distracted. He flooded his mind with his work, enough to not even let his dark thoughts come forth, they stayed deep in the back, where he tortured himself.

___________

Loneliness is boring. 

It's unproductive and rarely ever do you feel. Emotions are clotted into the veins and only hurtful and saddening ones are filtered through. You feel cold all of a sudden and crave this feeling of warmth, human embrace mostly. It's boring.

So Liam is bored. 

And when someone like Liam who rarely ever gets bored, knows about nothing to do in a situation like this. Naturally he does the dumbest thing on his mind and asks his mom for advice which landed him on a date with a Woman he could care less about. His mom never had a good taste in women regarding Liam, she always set him up with the goody two shoes ones who would just swoon over him and act all cute and annoying. The date was going bland and absolutely uninteresting, No matter how many times he told his mother that he bisexual she would dismiss it and recommend some other daughter of her friend for a date. She just wouldn't accept that he liked men too. It had been a while since he'd been with a man, the last time was almost a year ago and it hadn't ended well. Since then he tried dating women for a while but here he was, utterly bored and tired from the constant batter mouth of his date.

"My mother said you work for Harry Styles? Is it true?" The woman asked. Oh god what was her name again? Andy? Anna? 

"Yeah I do now. We went through the take-over a while ago." He said taking a sip of water to soak up his dry throat. He didn't want to talk to her but he didn't want to seem rude as he is usually a polite person.

"I have worked for him before, I mean not for too long. He was just there for like a year or two but damn he was smart. I have never seen man so focused and dedicated. He is like an example of hard work plus shrewdness." She praised his current boss. He was well aware of how much of a genius Harry Styles had proven himself to be. Liam had to know about him from Louis, about who he was but later when he did his own digging he found out much more. How he started working as an assistant in a smaller company but by the end of the year he was one of the reasons that the same small scale company was in the talk of international markets. He had 3 companies under his wing already by the time he had set his eyes on their company. He became a millionaire with in a span of four year, only with the help of his absolute cunning brain and wit. That's why their company was still standing otherwise under Adams guidance they were on the verge of shutting down. After whatever happened between Louis, Harry and Adam it left a bad taste in everyone's mouth. People had started talking about what happened and how their own boss broke his own rule. They were to be all single for the job and their own rule maker ditched his own thought of absolute focus without any distractions. It also hampered Louis' reputation in the office. He didn't understand first why the people behaved the way they did towards Louis but when he got to work with the guy and become friends was when he learnt the truth. It was heartbreaking the things Louis' own decisions put him through but then Harry wasn't a saint either. That fucker ruined his friend and now had his eye set on- well never mind. It wasn't as if he had a right to even think about him. He wasn't related to the man anymore but that though made him sadder than he already was.

"Hey Liam? You lost somewhere?" She snapped her fingers in front of him to get his attention from where it had wandered off.

"Oh just-just lost in thought. But yeah, Mr Styles- He is great. He has been a good asset for the company and I look forward to working with him more." No fucking way. If he could he would throw the man out of the company. "So do you like this place? My mother can go a little overboard with-"

"Oh my god." She whispered. Her eyes looking behind them but then going everywhere. 

"W-What? See someone you know?" He asked curiously.

"Yeah and guess who?" She asked with a smirk.

"Who?" He smiled, confused.

"Harry styles and- hey don't look directly- he is with a hot guy oh no wait I know who he is. He is the- ughh what's his name, I saw him on a magazine cover just yesterday. Oh yes Zayn! That's Zayn Malik with him!!" She exclaimed excitedly. As if it was something to gush over so much. 

Liam clenched his palms into tight fists his mind slightly torn between looking back and not at all. He just wanted to leave. 

"Oh they are so cute and hot together. I hope they are dating. Styles surely seems like a catch. Who wouldn't want a rich and clever boyfriend? He is definitely lucky, I mean with looks like his, he probably has had Styles in bed with him by now." She snickered and blushed. 

And what the fuck was there to titter over them? He was fuming by the end of her gushing over the couple behind them and the woman hadn't noticed due to being busy texting her friend and tweeting. He had a sheen of sweat on his forehead, and underside of his palms. He wasn't a violent man by any means rather was like a pug who kept it all calm but when provoked he will not think twice before bashing someone's fucking head into the wall. And right now he really wanted that head to be of Harry Styles. 

He made up his mind and dared to look back only to see the two smiling at each other while that bastard was rubbing his hand over the other's. He could see Zayn visibly blush and lean back looking at the other man with lust in his eyes. Liam knew those eyes and looks very well. 

He stood up abruptly and excuses himself to the bathroom. She didn't mind his hurriedness but found it a little weird. 

Liam was seething by the time he reached the bathroom. He stood in front of a mirror trying to calm himself down. He had prepared himself for this a very long time ago so why was he so affected now. He knew someday he had to see Zayn with someone else and he thought that he had accepted it but after this he knew he was absolutely not prepared, not even close. Thinking about the man he had loved for so long and been with most of his life now with someone who was not him made him want to vomit. His face went a little pale and faint feeling pulled at his head.

"Are you alright?" Came a small worried voice from his side. He snapped his head so fast he saw stars but he didn't care. He looked into brown eyes and didn't blink. He didn't know what to say and he felt his throat close. He wasn't capable of uttering words so he just nodded. 

"You-You don't seem so. Your face has gotten paler." That's the most words Zayn has spoken to him within almost seven years. A slight pang at his heart made him aware of how stupid he would be if he didn't speak now.

"I uhh I'm alright. Just ate something off may be. The-The salad probably I don't know." He said and it probably was bullshit but at least they were words.

"Olives. They make your stomach turn. Probably that." Zayn Said not meeting Liam's eyes as he found the tiles on the floor more interesting. 

He remembers. 

Oh the ba-dum his heart did was so loud, Zayn probably heard it. 

"Yea-Yeah probably that. You here with someone?" That was the longest time he had taken to speak one sentence.

"Umm yeah. Harry Styles? You know right?" 

"Oh yes yes Mr Styles. Of course. Discussing about the campaign?" Liam hoped Zayn said yes. He didn't want then interacting outside work. He didn't want them getting any personal.

"Ehh Yes and No. He did ask me out for like a date and we are discussing work too so it's like hitting two birds with one stone." He laughed nervously. "I should get back, I just came to wash hands, Harry must be wondering where I ran off." He smiled. 

"Oh yes of course wouldn't want to keep him waiting." Liam had plastered on a fake smile by then.

"Okay then bye. See you around." Zayn Waved.

"Yeah see you." He said and saw Zayn leave from his sight. 

If god wanted to punish him for something, there were much better ways than this fucking nonsense. Surely this was working just fine but honestly it was just too much. He didn't have patience for this nor the tolerance. He went to his table and took his coat and keys lying there. 

The girl looked at him surprised. "You took your time in there- hey where are you going wait-" Before she could even complete her sentence he was out of the restaurant and demanding the valet to get his car and was driving off home. 

He needed to cool his brain and sleep it off otherwise he will be in jail for homicide and suicide attempt. Literally!!!!

He opened the door too roughly for the hinges to make a sound it did not use make before and threw his coat on the floor. Honestly fuck the hanger!! He didn't want the fucking hanger, he took the coat hanger and smashed it over the shoe cupboard making the wooden pieces from the hanger fly everywhere. The thought that he would have to clean this later crossed his mind and made him more angry but before he could smash more of his belongings his cellphone rang. He wanted to ignore it but after seeing Louis' name on it he decided against it. He took a deep breath and picked up the phone.

"Hey Lou." He spoke as chirpily as he could.

"Why do I have a text from Harry fucking Styles saying that you are cheating on me?" Louis asks and Liam is taken back from the question.

"What? What the hell does that even mean?" He cursed himself for making his voice shakes in anger so much. 

"Liam a-are you okay?" Comes Louis' voice from the other line. 

"Oh Yeah I'm fine. I'll be okay. What did you say?" Liam tried to change the topic from himself to Louis.

"No! Don't do this again, the change of topics. I let you slide with it all the time but not today. I'm coming over and you are telling me everything. Don't do anything stupid till then." And with that Louis Hung up.

Just when he thought it couldn't get any worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR THE COMMENTS ON THE LAST POST, THANKYOU FOR READING THIS. I didn't think I was going to continue with this fic any more but even a few of you commenting that you are looking forward to the next chapter is kinda motivating. Please do leave your opinions and thoughts below I like reading them. If you like this please do leave kudos. ❤️❤️❤️


	11. Chapter 11

A very comfortable looking Louis sat in front of Liam expecting him to spill everything that's wrong. Louis had cleaned up his mess by the door and made him some tea to calm down. He eyed Liam expectantly but Liam didn't know from where to start, how to start. He felt Louis Pat his knee assuring him it's alright to speak. 

"Take your time. No rush." He said and smiled.

"I know Zayn Malik." He blurred out the first thought that came to his mind. 

Louis' face was confused as he asked. "Everyone knows Zayn Malik, Liam? I don't understand-" 

"No!! Like I know him from very before. When he wasn't Zayn Malik the Supermodel, or the face of anything. He was just my Zayn. " Louis' eyebrows touched his hair line. But he didn't interfere. "I met him in America, ran away from his home to pursue his dreams, all fancy hair and clothes, he was…….something else. He was still a struggling model back then and I was just an intern at some small company. We met through mutual friends and we just….... Hit it off I guess. Never would I have thought that someone as wonderful as him ever be with someone like me." Liam chuckled, to a memory probably. 

"And even though as different as we were, there was this pull between us that even I could never understand, even now. I was always drawn to him. There was no one in the world who knew him like I did. Still do, in a way. He was-He was everything. Not just because we were together but because we were like each others pillar, we kept us going. He made me feel as if for once I wasn't some loser but I was- powerful, I was brave when I was with him. We were together for years, moved in together, slept together, we were in love. I was the happiest I could ever be, we were both. But then- I don't know what I did wrong or if it was what I said. One day I took him out for dinner, told him he was the one for me and I wanted him to be mine forever. Got down on one knee with the ring and stuff, I had the biggest smile on my face only to see his drop. I felt like I was going to be sick, Louis. He took my hands and made me sit up on the chair and very politely said no. I was confused beyond my mind. I mean why wouldn't I be? When we were together for such a long time and we loved each other then what was wrong? We got home and I ask him why didn't he want to marry me, do you know what he said? He said that he had just started his career as a model and didn't want the burden of marriage on him. I had become a burden for him Lou. He said that he loved me but he couldn't marry me. And how do you expect from a simple man like me to react, huh? Of course I got upset. I told him why was he putting his career before us, weren't we just as important? He just looked at my face and said 'I have not worked this hard to be where I am just to be held back by family again.' I wasn't holding him back Louis, I swear. I never demanded anything from him, he was always equal to me but he had the audacity to say to me that I treated him like he was my property, like he was an object. It hurt my soul to hear him say those words. 'Let's end this' he said. Just like that. It was like my everything was being taken away from me. I had everything just the other night, him sleeping in my arms and we were happy but then I had to go and fuck everything up, didn't I? The next morning I see all his stuff gone and so was he. I got a word that he had moved to Paris, a brand had signed him. He never looked back then. Never came back or even contacted me for seven fucking years but then Suddenly I hear his name in my office. I see him standing in front of me, I see him looking at me with emotionless eyes, I see him with someone else. Someone who is far more better than me, someone I can never compete with. How am I supposed to handle all of this Louis? It's just too cruel. I can't stand it!! I feel so angry that I could destroy this whole place, fucking Harry Styles and his ways." Liam was helplessly fuming by the end if his confession. Even though Louis has been friends with Liam for so long he didn't know anything about this. Liam had managed to keep this one single secret with the intention of ever uttering it ever again but with Zayn coming back surely brought back memories for him. Louis knew exactly what he was going through, knew the exact feeling of rejection and abandonment. He wrapped his arms around Liam and hugged him tight. 

It was funny how both of them had been going through similar situations and they didn't know how to deal with these demons of their past.

"I understand Liam. There is no one other than me who understands exactly what you are going through and I will always be here for you. I know I should tell you to not care about him and ignore him but then I would just be a hypocrite, wouldn't I?" He heard Liam let out a small chuckle and felt himself get calmer. "We should just forget this for now, yeah? Pizza and movie?" Louis asked hopefully.

Liam looked at his friend and felt himself smile. This idiot was and angel. 

"You're paying." He said.

Louis was thankful that he had a friend like Liam in his life. That night they talked more, about their lives, their lovers and how they had fucked up. Liam had taken on a job here in London right after Zayn left. And after a lot of moving here and there he landed in their company, finally. Louis knew how much it hurt the other lad to see the person he loved so much not give a fuck about them. It was the exact same thing Louis was going through after all. And he might even be understating the situation, after all Harry managed to make Louis' life hell. Made him work extra hours and Sundays with no additional salary, made him extremely uncomfortable around employees by either taunting him or making him seem like a fool. No one in the office except for Liam really cared about him, hence, he knew everyone enjoyed his torment. He could see it on their faces, the satisfaction, unbotheredness, laughter. 

But Louis took it, he took all the humiliation their boss was stacking on him because he thought some or the other way he must have deserved it. He thought he deserved every single stunt that Harry pulled on him.

Many times, Liam told him, more like scolded him to say no to that asshole of a boss, to say something back, to quit the position but Liam knew Louis was no quitter. And in someway, Liam thought it was kind of his fault, he underestimated Harry Styles and encouraged Louis to take the promotion but he knew now how it was slowly eating away his friend. Styles made him do everything, like he wasn't his assistant but a servant. From bringing in the tea to cleaning of dirt from his shoes. That bastard had the audacity to ask Louis to clean his shoes in front of their clients. Louis couldn't say no and had to suffer through the embarrassment. If Liam would have been there he would have punched the smug bastard in his nose, his job be damned.

And then there was Zayn. Every time Styles touched Zayn something dangerous flared inside Liam. He was literally going to break down Styles' door when he came to know that Zayn was alone with him inside. The ugly jealousy has ignited inside him which refused to go away. He had to always face Louis' sympathetic eyes and return them back. 

They were pathetic. 

_________

"You look great." Harry said, looking at the smaller man up and down. The signature smirk plastered on his face, hands shoved into the pockets of his suit pants as he stood straight.

"Thank you Mr Styles. But I believe you really shouldn't be here." Zayn teased. He had a suit on which fit his body perfectly, like a glove. It hugged his body in all the right places and made him look like a God. Who knows he might be.

"Who says so?" Harry asked back.

"The boss."

"Darling I am the boss. If I have to stay and check how my company's campaign turns out then I will. I'm sure Cole here won't mind, would he?" 

Cole, the creative head of the campaign, just smiled and shook his head. "Absolutely not sir. Take a stroll and I'm sure everyone here will be thrilled with your presence. All Everyone is trying to do here is to impress you after all." 

"Stop buttering me up Cole and get to the arrangements. We are paying for this establishment and I don't want to waste a single pound." Harry said and dismissed the head. He turned his gaze back to Zayn. "So where were we?' 

"Apparently you do what you want and honestly…... I don't mind it. Maybe we could, you know, do what you really want after this? Over a drink possibly?" Zayn asked in a sultry tone. His body language changing from being in control to a little lewd. Harry was amazed by how quickly he changed the whole atmosphere of their conversation. 

Beside him Louis was about to vomit. He had heard too much of such conversations and he never had the nerve to walk out or tell them to stop. He endured it until his stomach churned uncontrollably and finally he let out everything he had eaten before. 

"Yeah, sure. We can go to my place. It's very spacious and I promise you, no interference." 

"Alright Mr Styles. Let me get back to work now." Zayn laughed and turned around to get to his position. 

Harry Styles was weak for this man but he was even weaker for the one standing beside him.  
He looked at Louis who stood beside him and looked out of the place with his hair undone and clothes a little shabby. His eyes were swollen and lips bitten red. He was still the prettiest thing Harry had ever seen. Louis' small hands wrapped tightly around the binder that he always carried now. He knew that he was giving Louis hell but this was the only way. He didn't know what else to do to make Louis' despise him.

"Next time if you are going to show up to the office like this don't bother coming." Harry said in a very dismissive tone. 

It took Louis by surprise when Harry talked to him, now a day it was either when he wanted to make him do something or insult him. This was also an insult in a way but much less harsh.

"I missed my alarm. Was in hurry. I'm sorry. It won't happen next time." 

"I hope so, we don't want to look like fucking hobos Louis. Go to the washroom and at least patch up you hair. It's embarrassing. " Harry said but didn't mean a single thing. Louis' hair was always beautiful, always the softest and hair the most calming scent which was what Harry use to always smell before going to sleep because his nose always use to be buried in the smaller man's hair. 

"Oh okay." He said and quickly made his way towards the washroom.

Louis went inside and first took a look at himself in the mirror. He had to avert his eyes from looking at his unpleasant look. His hair genuinely was a mess and face blotchy. His shirt was tucked out from one side and crumbled a little. Them he remembered how good Zayn looked and a heavy rock fell in his stomach. How can he ever compare? There wasn't even anything there to compare. His eyes tingle a little from an urge to cry but he suppressed it, he didn't need another reason to embarrass Harry. 

He quickly kept his binder down and tucked his shirt in properly, smoothing out the crumbled part. He fixed his hair with water and washed his face. He still looked miserable but a little better than before. His eyes were still red and lips bitten from all the nervous lip biting but at least he looked presentable. He picked up his binder but as he was about to turn he bumped into someone rather roughly.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry." The man said helping Louis pick up the fallen binder.

"No it's alright, it was my fault." He said.

"No really it was my fault. I should have seen you inside." 

The man was blond with blue eyes and a very kind face. 

"Hi I'm Niall, Niall Horan." He said, smiling politely as he extended his hand to shake.

"Louis Tomlinson." Louis said taking the other man's hand.

"You working with the crew?" He asked. 

"Yeah kinda. I'm Mr Styles' assistant." Louis said with a big smile on his face, though he wasn't really happy about it.

"Oh!! Great, I'm the photographer. But you probably know that already." 

Louis did as he agreed. He was responsible for bringing about all the possible crew for the shoot with his own team and he can say that they all turned out pretty amazing. 

"I should get going, you guys are paying shit ton of money for this place, I don't wanna hold anything back." Niall said and gave a quick smile as he rushed out.

Louis didn't want to go out. He didn't want to see Harry ogling Zayn as if he was a piece of meat, even the thought of it sent flames down Louis' body. His abdomen burned and fists clenched tightly as he took a deep breath and headed out to stand near his Boss. 

Harry didn't even glance at him as his eyes were fixated onto the man who has all the lights on him, eyes on him. Truthfully, Zayn really was beautiful, he was elegant yet smoldering. The things Liam had told him the other day popped in his mind, how they were together and then one's selfishness broke them both. It was very similar to how his relationship with Harry was, together for so long, and how Louis ruined everything. But unlike those two, Louis couldn't move on. He didn't want to move on. He knew what price he had to pay if he had to move on and he didn't have enough strength left in him to go through it. He knew himself better than anyone, he knew his limits. Hence he knew, to move on from Harry is to move on from life itself. He absolutely cannot lose hope, his heart still is attached to this fine thread of longing that maybe, just maybe Harry would come back to him, forgive him, love him. It was too far fetched, he knew, though he refused to lose hope. 

Louis put a fake smile on his face and kept his head high to keep an eye out on everyone as he was basically the person in charge of carrying out this photoshoot smoothly. He made eye contact with Niall, who was checking out his pictures and gave a genuine smile to him. Niall carried a gentle and warm aura around him which made Louis feel welcome as his friend. He didn't really have many friends except for Liam of course but maybe Niall a great step for him to make new friends. He was returned with a similar kind smile from Naill and they held each other's gaze for a minute before Naill continued taking pictures. 

All of this action definitely didn't go unnoticed by Harry. He saw Louis coming out of the bathroom and being all smiles for the photographer guy and an ugly feeling settled in his stomach. He shifted a little bit closer to Louis and leaned in a little to speak in his ear.

"Louis, I would very much prefer if you stop drooling over our photographer. It's honestly pathetic and extremely unprofessional." Harry said sternly. He leaned closer and glared at Louis who sharply turned his eyes to Harry and said. 

"May be if you would stop salivating over Zayn and stop being such a pervert then I might think about being professional. Don't be a hypocrite Mr Styles." 

"Being a smart mouth now, are we?" 

"Better than being a foul mouth like you. Honestly, the day you'd stop being such a jerk is when I'll walk bare foot to the fucking church!!"

Louis didn't know how he was able to say this much but it kinda felt good so he didn't stop.

"You don't get to talk to me like that Louis. Know your fucking limits." Harry was still whispering in his ear though he could hear the rage in his tone. He knew Harry was seriously pissed and speaking anymore is going to cost him yet, he just couldn't take anymore of Harry's harsh words quietly. 

"Don't tell me about my limits. Clearly you don't know yours because-" He gasped audibly and breath hitched when a large hand grabbed his butt and squeezed it hard. He brought his hands to his chest and clasped them together. 

"This is all I had to do to shut you up? Huh?" Harry smirked and squeezed harder, little whimper left Louis' mouth. "Oh don't make those sounds Louis." Harry whispered hotly in his ear and closed his eyes. "I won't be able to control myself if you keep on whimpering like that. Don't fucking bite your lips Louis or I'm going to loose it this fucking second." 

"H-How am I supposed to keep-keep quiet then? Get your hands off me Harry I can't-"

"You are always so tempting Louis. There is a bloody model in front of me but I still can't keep my eyes off you." Harry's hand moved from Louis' ass to his waist and pulled him into his chest. "You'd still feel so small and soft in my arms, I could only keep you warm, couldn't I? No one else can ever make you feel like that Louis, not Liam, not that Blondie, not anyone else. No one can ever give you what I can, so don't go looking for it every fucking where." And with that Harry stepped aside and left Louis standing there like an idiot, his face red from embarrassment and humility. He looked everywhere to see if anyone noticed whatever the fuck that happened just now and luckily no one did. After the shoot was over he thanked everyone as quickly as possible and hastily left the studio without exchange more than two words. 

Harry saw the blonde guy looking through the people as if he was searching for someone and he very well knew who. But Harry knew that Louis had left already and smiled in satisfaction. 

He didn't want to see Louis with anyone else ever. He will ruin lives if he has to, just for Louis. Behind his closed eyes he can still see Louis, naked and so open for him, just him, begging and whimpering for more but then there is always this ugly feeling surrounding it when he recollects that there was another who got to put his hands on Louis, who kissed those lips and touched him in places only Harry had the fucking right to. He wants to forget about it so bad, wants to rip that memory out of his head and cremate it but he knows as soon as he does that, he will lose.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I warm hand was placed on his shoulder as he turned around and a slim body crowded his space. Brown eyes met green and excitement evident in both of them.

"People are looking at us, don't you think you are being very unprofessional Mr Malik?" Harry smirked and pulled his body closer. 

"Should we go somewhere where people won't see us then, Mr Styles?" Zayn whispered in his eyes. "I remember you suggesting somewhere 'very spacious, no interference', I am looking forward to it." 

Suggestive conversation flowed between them like water, they both understood what it meant and felt very compatible in each other's company. Ever since their first met, this energy and spark was always around which surprisingly brought some sort of excitement in Harry's life. He felt confident when he was talking to Zayn, felt as if they could share something more than just this professional relationship. 

"I'll see off everyone, you get changed and we'll Leave. Sounds good?" Harry said, with a smile on his face, eyes not leaving Zayn's.

"Very good." With that he left, walking towards the greenroom, feeling Harry's eyes burning into his body, he blushed and smiled, shaking his head.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm writing after such a long time so please excuse me if I'm anything seems wrong. I do not have a beta so bear with me if there are any mistakes. And give kudos or comment down if you like it.


End file.
